The "Crapfty" Crocheter

I've neglected my blog a lot lately. I know you've noticed. I've been busy completing another project.

I am not a crocheter, but for some reason when a baby comes along, my crochet craving kicks in big time! When I was pregnant with Josh, I was certain he was going to be a girl, so I decided to crochet him a dress. Mind you, I had never crocheted a thing in my life, but I was going to crochet him a dress anyway! So, I got a couple of "teach yourself to crochet" books, picked out a pattern I liked, got some soft pink baby yarn, scarfed a couple of my grandma's crochet needles, and began to crochet. It was quite an undertaking. The dress itself consisted primarily of a kind of shell stitch. I was surprised at how quickly I picked it up. Before I knew it, little Joshie had a beautiful, little pink dress! Of course, when he was born and I learned I had a boy, the dress was immediately relegated to the back of my closet. Once in a great while I'd drag it out to show a friend. Sometimes I just pulled it out to look at when I needed an ego boost. Although I had 2 boys, I clung to that dress and drug it all over the world with me. I was so proud of that dress! I don't have a picture of it, but it looked like this:

With 2 little boys to care for, my crochet time pretty much disappeared, and I really wasn't motivated to crochet a pair of tuffskins for my boys. When my little girl arrived, I spent more time sewing her dresses (I decided that my little girl could not grow up without having an aproned pinafore). The crocheting definitely went by the wayside.

Thirty two years passed by with nary a stitch crocheted by me. Then I learned that my daughter AND my daughter-in-law were pregnant and BANG! - The crochet bug hit me again! I decided that I would crochet each of my forthcoming grandchildren an heirloom afghan, and crochet them I did! A blue one for Carson and a white one for Maris (because we didn't know whether Maris would be Maris or Gehrig until she was born). Again the hooks came out and I enjoyed constructing the blankets for the babies. And they came out pretty darn good, thank you!

Nearly 5 years passed. The crochet needles were getting dusty! And then, it happened! YAY!! Sweet little Sophie was born! It didn't occur to me at first to crochet a blanket for Sophie. She was so tiny when she was born, I thought I'd wait awhile before I bought her any clothes. And then it hit me! Good grief! How could I NOT bless my new little grand-Sticks (her nickname - READ MY BLOG!! KEEP UP!!) with one of my priceless afghans?? Why, when she gets a little older, she'll think her maw-maw didn't love her enough to crochet her a blanky of her own!! So, I set out to find a beautiful, one-of-a-kind afghan to crochet for Sophie. Of course, she's already here, but with my fine skills and natural talent, I could whip it out in no time!

I found a pattern I thought was perfect. It had little hearts all the way around it, and in the middle, it was PERSONALIZED with her own little name. I bought the yarn and dove right in. Now mind you, I had never crocheted with 2 different colors before, but again, with my God-given ability to crochet these masterpieces, I was certain I could do it. And I finished the border in record time! But the personalized mat?? Now THAT was a different matter. I stitched and ripped that thing out no less than 3 times!! And learning to crochet with 2 colors?? FORGET IT!! This stinks! You can't imagine how many nights I spent on the internet, searching for instructions on crocheting with 2 colors of yarn!! And when I did find the instructions, I could not seem to fathom what they meant! How do you get the name all on one side?? Aren't you going to have hanging threads or knots or SOMETHING hanging out all over the place?? I even took it to work to ask a crocheting co-worker what crocheter from HELL invented this technique!! Finally, I found some instructions I could actually follow - I think I found them on the "teach your 4 -year-old to crochet" website. Anyway, I finally got it done. And so here it is.....the finished MASTERPIECE -

wow. In my defense, the 'S' looks more like an 'S' in real life than it does in this picture! Trust me!! But this picture is evidence that my "natural" crocheting talent evidently walked out the door with my youth! Nobody told me that my wonderful crocheting talent would be lost with menopause...Funny, too, because most women come into their greatest crocheting years after they become grandmas. I mean, look at that inner border! I must have gone into overdrive up there in the top right corner. There are like 5 extra rows of stitches right there! And midway down the left side of the border....What, is the blanket HEALING itself??

Oh well, I'll still box it up and mail it to Sophie, such as it is. Hopefully, she'll see the love and effort that went into the making of her blanket and not the imperfection! And by the way, I am NOT letting this crocheting thing get the better of me!! Oh, no! I'm going to keep on crocheting until my afghans come out looking as beautiful and perfect as that little dress I crocheted all those years ago. So MAMAS, HIDE YOUR BABIES!! I'm starting an angel afghan as we speak!