I received this in my email today. I don’t know who wrote it, but I was struck by some of the insight. This lists proves that indeed, the meandering thoughts we have and think no one else would ever POSSIBLY have are NOT as exclusively “strange” as we may have previously thought… I could very easily have written some of these myself!
*Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
*Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
*I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
*The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
*There is a great need for sarcasm font.
*Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.
*I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
*How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
*I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
*Was learning cursive really necessary?
*Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
*I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
*Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
*How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
*I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
*MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
*I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
*I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
*Bad decisions make good stories.
*Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
*If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
*Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
*You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
*Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
*There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
*I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
*"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
*I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?
*'While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
*I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
*I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
*Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
*As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
*Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
*It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
*I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
*Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
*Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cellphone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
*My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
*It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
*I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
*I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
*I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
*The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.
