Inauguration Nation - A Muddah's Irreverent (and irrelevant) Look at an Historical Day

Last Tuesday, our nation celebrated the inauguration of its 44th President. I was unable to watch the historic event because it was a workday for me, but as it turns out, a kind little old muddah who lives a few doors down from me viewed the entire event on television. As I stepped out of my car that evening, she was right there to tell me all about it. I would be remiss if I failed to tell it just as she relayed it to me, so get comfortable - She's a long-winded old gal! Her story went something like this:

"Well, hey there, how ya doin' tonight? Me, oh I'm fine but I watched the inauguration all day long and I tell ya, I feel like I been there! Matter of fact, that guy from the Today show said that if I watched it all day long, I could say I WAS there, so I just might use that in the future. Anyway, I'm home all day ya know so I figure it was my civic duty to watch the thing. I'm tellin' you, it was a wonderful site. They started out showin' the Bush's and the Obama's meetin' on the White House porch. Mrs. Obama (I can call her that because at that time, he hadn't been sworn it yet) was carryin' a present for Mrs. Bush. I tell ya, it woulda been nice if they'd made her open that thing right then because I wondered all day what was in there. It looked like a big ol' box of Russell Stover's! By and by, they all walked into the White House, so I didn't get to see what they did after that.

Before long it came time for them to get goin', and they all walked out of the White House again. And this time, the gals was together and the men was together...Isn't that always the way? I guess it don't matter how uppity we get, when men and women get together, they always split up like chickens...Hens on the one side and roosters on the other. They was just all standin' there in the cold and all the sudden, the gals took off and left the guys just standin' there on the porch! I'm thinkin' those gals decided to go shoppin'. Anyway, the men were just standin' around and pretty soon, a whole bunch of cars drove by. And they looked pretty important too, with flags and stuff hangin' all over 'em. I'm pretty sure it was a bunch of military folks - Would you believe it though, Mr. Obama didn't even salute any of them cars!! I mentioned that to my brother and asked him what he thought about that. He said it was probably just a bunch of taxi drivers trying to be the first one to give Mr. Obama a ride, but I said I didn't care - if people are kind enough to drive a bunch of cars with flags on 'em past you, the least you could do was salute 'em! Especially if you're gonna be president pretty soon!

Finally, this fancy car came by and picked up Mr. Bush and Mr. Obama and I'm tellin' you, that car was BIG. I bet they could've stood up and walked around in that thing, it was so big. But, SLOW?? That car was sooo slow, it took them forever to get where they were goin'. I got all the mornin' dishes done up before they got to the inauguratin' place.

The TV kept pannin' out over somethin' they called the mall, so I'm pretty sure them gals did go shoppin', but I'm tellin' you, it wasn't no mall I ever been to! It was outside and it was long and skinny, and there was a lake runnin' right down the middle of it! And that thing was packed with people like sardines in a can! I'm thinkin' they were all in line for the inauguration, but there is no way they all got in because there were just too many of 'em! I'll bet some of 'em are still standin' out there. I hope somebody tells 'em they missed the inauguration because it's cold out there! Cold as it is here, I'm thinkin'!

Anyway, it came time for the inauguratin' to start and you know, they had to parade all them important people down them stairs and into their seats. Finally, Mr. Obama came down the stairs all by himself, and he looked lonesome! Ya'd think they'd at least let him walk in with his wife and babies, but no! He had to walk it alone. He stepped right up to the podian and flung his hand up all ready for the oath. I could tell he was nervous too, because he started rushin' that guy in the robe, and then he messed up! And I could tell right away from the look on his face that he wanted to call overs, but he managed to keep his mouth shut about that and they got through that thing in nothin' flat! He was all oathed in as our 44th President just like that! A man got up and prayed and then a lady read a poem but it didn't rhyme and then Miss Aretha Franklin got up to sing and I love her but Good Lord, what a hat!! You won't believe me when I tell you that hat was bigger than Miss Aretha's head and it was ALL BOW! I tell ya, I never seen such a thing in all my life! Then some guy got out his fiddle and I'm thinkin' now we're really gonna hear some music, but then another guy with one of them big fat fiddles started playin' with him and do you know what those guy's names was? You're not gonna believe this! I'm not sure about the one guy - somethin' like Yiksak or somethin', but the other guy's name was YO-MA-MA!! Can you believe that? I thought my brother was gonna fall off his chair when he heard THAT name!!

I can't tell ya all the folks who was in the stands watchin' Mr. President Obama get oathed in, but there was a bunch of 'em. I did see the Jr President Bush's dad, Sr. President Bush, and you won't believe it but he had on one of them Elmer Fudd hats! Do ya think he was serious about that hat, or did he wear it just to get on TV?

Next they all went to lunch together and I'm not sure where they went, but it warnt no IHOP because the place was huge and they used President Lincoln's dishes to eat off of! And then poor Mr. Kennedy got sick and they had to take him out and another older gent got hauled off too. They didn't say why the older gent got hauled away...I'm thinkin' the seafood musta put him off. Seafood can be hard on the older folks, you know!

After lunch they all went to watch the parade. And I'm all for a parade, but honey that thing went on for hours and hours!! And you could tell even President Obama got tired of it because before long, he was turned around talkin' to folks sittin' behind him. Now I didn't think that was very polite because some of the people in the parade were little boy scouts and they turned and saluted the man as they passed by the stands. And I'll be damned but President Obama didn't salute those little folks back neither!! Somebody evidently noticed his not salutin' after awhile because I noticed every time a group of our military folks marched by, a commander or somethin' was standing by the President so he could know when it was time to salute! And when they warnt standin' with him, Mrs. Obama was standin' beside him. I think she was there to keep him facin' the right way and stop turnin' his back to the parade, because that's not kind, you know? People all marchin' and playin' for ya, and you all turned around makin' a golf date with some guy behind ya!

Anyway, I had to quit watchin' then because it was time to get some supper, but I tell you, it was quite a day! I didn't vote for the man, but I watched the whole thing anyway and you know, I think I'm gonna like him ok if they teach him some presidential protercal!"