Lost in Space

I can't tell you what happened after my trip to the "Bates Motel". I can't tell you because I honestly can't remember! I know I felt totally hopeless. I felt like every possible door back to normalcy had been slammed shut on me. I'm sure I went back to bed. I just don't remember. It's like someone changed the channel during a recording. My brain is just missing that particular part of the adventure. All I DO remember is that Josh (my son) wanted me to go see him in Myrtle Beach. I didn't want to go. Didn't he know that I was sick? I didn't even know if I could make it! Face it, I fell down quite often between my bedroom and the bathroom and those two rooms are connected!! I didn't particularly want my kids to see me this way, but then I really didn't care about anything anymore. I didn't have the money or the time for a "vacation". I needed to stay home and focus on getting better. Josh was not thinking of this trip as a vacation. He told me he thought his doctor might be able to help me. He bought me a round trip ticket and arranged the entire trip. How could I not go?

I boarded the plane for Josh and Tia's on September 16th, feeling nothing. Priority 1 was to obtain a glass of White Zin. I may as well celebrate while I can, right? WRONG. Upon inquiring, I am told that yes, they do have White Zin, and it's a bargain at $7.00 PER GLASS. Even I, in my fogged and addictedly-labeled mind, was not willing to spend $7.00 for what couldn't be more than 3 oz. of wine!

It's a long trip, going from Idaho to South Carolina. In healthier times, I was not one to sit still for more than about 20 minutes at a time, so normally, the thought of a long plane trip did not appeal to me. However, in the state I was in, I figured if nothing else, I could get some good sleep time. That was not to be, thanks to my fellow passengers. I must have realized that I may not remember what went on and curiously, I seemed interested enough to write down the events on each leg of the trip. This is what I wrote (Please don't allow the following to offend you. Remember my state of mind -clearly absent!)

I'm on a mission this year. It's all business and I'm going to work on getting my old self back in shape again. I just want to note a few incidents, as I find them a bit amusing, "warped as I am".

1st Leg, Spokane to Phoenix:
Sat by a very interesting couple. He is very much a larger (and older) cowboy.
Wife (?) was of the Asian persuasion. Once we were in the air, "she" commenced to climb all over him with the highest pitched, whiniest little voice!! OK, you've made it abundantly clear that you want something from that man! We hear you!!

2nd Leg, Phoenix to Charlotte: Yea baby, I'm almost there! Mind you, I coughed almost all the way, but no meltdowns. As I stood up to depart the plane, a kindly older gent from a few rows behind me pats me on the shoulder and shouts "You sound just like I did!" After I relayed a brief synopsis of my saga, he said, in a slight Bronx accent, "You just make 'em keep lookin', girly, and they'll find it. Took 'em 6 years to find mine". "What was it?" I eagerly asked. "Cansuh - 'Bout the size of an egg". Thanks, mister. YOU have a fine day.

I didn't write anything about my final leg of the trip - the one from Charlotte to Myrtle, but I do remember looking down on the City of Charlotte after takeoff and getting a distinct feeling of melancholy. My oldest son, my daughter, and their families live not far from Charlotte and I wasn't going to see them at all. I became extremely sad, and tears welled up in my eyes. Why can some of the people you love the most be so close and yet, you're not quite able to touch them? (Those of you who know me understand that I consider crying extremely sappy, and I just HATE to cry. But cry I did, right there on that airplane, right in front of all those happy travelers).

I arrived in Myrtle and climbed off the plane. I wondered what was going to happen next. I felt lost, helpless and alone. I was afraid. I walked along slowly (because I couldn't do it any other way). I finally looked up, and at the end of the concourse stood my sweet baby Josh and his wonderful wife Tia. I felt redeemed!! I wasn't alone!! People I love were right there to help me! For the first time in a long while, a little spark of light came shining in and kindled something in me that I had not felt for some time. There was HOPE!!