Have you ever talked to a person regularly on the telephone but never actually met them in person? I mean, you talk to them several times and have even struck up a bit of a relationship with this faceless voice, but if you passed them on the street you wouldn't know them from Adam.
Well, being a "Boise out-stationed employee" for the State government, I experience this on a fairly regular basis. Over time, I tend to form an image of these people in my mind, based solely on how their voices sound. When I finally meet these people face-to-face, I'm often shocked at how far off my imaginings are! I realized recently that I've done this with my dogs in reverse! I've developed an idea in my mind of what my dogs' voices would sound like, if they could actually talk, based on the way they LOOK!

I love my dogs. No, I REALLY love my dogs. Always have. I've always had dogs, and I've loved each and every one of them. My current two, Brodie and Goliath, are about as opposite as night and day....

Brodie is a 13 year old Belgian Malinois. Goliath is 2 year old chihuahua/terrier mix. I spend a good deal of time with them and as a result, think I know their personalities pretty well.
Brodie has always been a bit of a fool. Malnut that he is, he took out 2 screen doors as a "child". Went right through them, no problem. He's eaten Christmas tree lights, swallowed camera film and made a snack of the remote control, batteries and all. He dove through my bedroom window. And he's LIVED to tell about it. He's older now, so he's not quite as wild and crazy as he was in his youth. But I'll tell ya, he still enjoys a nice wad of toilet paper if he can get his mouth around it! Goliath, on the other hand, is just a cute little thing, with a face that will remain puppy-like forever. He is very submissive and sweet.

I talk to my dogs. And, I talk FOR them. My Brodie voice sounds like a slow 4 year old with a lisp. My Goliath voice just sounds like a proud mother talking to her baby (hence the term "baby talk"). You can imagine it. It's the kind of sickeningly sweet yammer that makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck. The person talking is trying to SOUND like the baby LOOKS. And so it is with my dogs and me.

One day, I was talking to Brodie (and "he" was answering me), and something about the look on his face said "That is SOOO NOT what I sound like!" And so I tried to envision Brodie's persona- I have a sneaking suspicion that this is it:

Yes, in spite of all the havoc-wreaking he's done in his life, if Brodie found his voice, he would speak with a very controlled British accent. If he dressed, it would be in a 3 piece suit with a buttoned down collar. He would have a MENSA vocabulary, and would brag about the fact that he was once tenured at the most prestigious canine university in the United States. He would tell me that he's been very resentful of the voice I've saddled him with. He would tell me that I have the mind of a slow 4 year old with a lisp.

Baby-talking Goliath on the other hand, would have a whole different persona. And here it is:

If Golly was a talking dog, he'd sound like George Burns with a Joizy accent. He'd be a walkin', talkin' tough guy who always wore a tee shirt with a pack of cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve. Males would fear him. Females would adore him. He would always have a poodle in diamonds at his side. He would be the model for whichever artist painted the picture of the pinochle-playing dogs (on velvet).

So folks, we must all remember - Don't judge a book by its cover, don't judge a person by their appearance, and never, NEVER judge a dog by the voice its "mommy" gave it!