The Crazies

I seem to have fallen into another case of the crazies. I don't know how it happened, and I don't know how to pull myself out of it (well, I guess I do, but I haven't). I've convinced myself that I hate my job, but I'm not sure that's actually the truth. I have a horrible cold right now but that isn't what clouds my thinking. I'm sitting here wondering how to crawl out of the abyss.

It's different this time. Ron Bacardi and Peter Vella are not a part of this fiasco. It's all just me. Am I not the Captain of my ship? The Master of my domain? Why can't I pick myself up by the bootstraps and get on with my life? Am I just that lazy, or is there something organic that causes me to feel this way? The total apathy; the lack of ambition. It's miserable and somehow, it's oddly comfortable. It is withdrawal. But, why? Why do I do this? How did I get here again? I want to be a productive, striving individual, but somehow, that person is not as strong as the apathetic nobody that seems to dominate my moods and actions. Something needs to be done. I need to decide which way I want to live out the rest of my life. Will it be doing what I need to do to be proud of the woman I am, or shall I live out my days in my pajamas, watching old re-runs and making myself physically ill? The choice is clear to me. Why can I not take the necessary action?