The Crazies

I seem to have fallen into another case of the crazies. I don't know how it happened, and I don't know how to pull myself out of it (well, I guess I do, but I haven't). I've convinced myself that I hate my job, but I'm not sure that's actually the truth. I have a horrible cold right now but that isn't what clouds my thinking. I'm sitting here wondering how to crawl out of the abyss.

It's different this time. Ron Bacardi and Peter Vella are not a part of this fiasco. It's all just me. Am I not the Captain of my ship? The Master of my domain? Why can't I pick myself up by the bootstraps and get on with my life? Am I just that lazy, or is there something organic that causes me to feel this way? The total apathy; the lack of ambition. It's miserable and somehow, it's oddly comfortable. It is withdrawal. But, why? Why do I do this? How did I get here again? I want to be a productive, striving individual, but somehow, that person is not as strong as the apathetic nobody that seems to dominate my moods and actions. Something needs to be done. I need to decide which way I want to live out the rest of my life. Will it be doing what I need to do to be proud of the woman I am, or shall I live out my days in my pajamas, watching old re-runs and making myself physically ill? The choice is clear to me. Why can I not take the necessary action?

Random Thoughts...

I was just thinking....You know how they say that when you die you'll be greeted on that heavenly shore by your dearly departed loved ones? I've been saved and I know I'm going to heaven, but I'm not without fault! I have to admit, I haven't been the best follower of the Lord at all times. So, I was just thinking....I've had some friendships/relationships with a number of things in my life. INanimate objects, like my car. Animate objects, like my dogs. I even had an odd friendship with a cat face spider this summer! What if there's a party going on when I get there and God sends my Camry down to greet me/drive me back to the goings on? What if I'm met at the pearly gates by no one other than my springer spaniel, Patch?! It would be a bit of a letdown, don't you think? Kind of like being met at the airport by no one.
Well, if I don't rate a full blown salute when I reach the pearly shores, Lord, I will totally understand. Like I said, I haven't been the best fish in the pond....The best sheep in the flock. But please, Lord, grant me one wish. Don't let me be greeted at the gate by that cat face spider!