I've Meandered into a MIRACLE! ?

Hello!  As you know, I'm not one to hang out on my blog.  It's just not my nature to be consistent.  It's not a trait I'm proud of, but it's the way I am.  I'm only posting today because I wanted to share an experiment I've started.  A new and exciting venture!  Now if you've ever seen me, you know that I've not been fanatically concerned about my looks. This is because I started avoiding the mirror at the age of about 40, so I really didn't KNOW how far my face had slid - slidden(?) off my head. I do properly groom each day, of course, but beyond the general tooth-brushing, face washing, shower taking routine, I've not worried excessively over the wrinkles and sagging skin that come with age.  That is, until recently....Recently I noticed (thanks to a picture some clown took of me, thinking that THAT would be a good idea!) that my features are becoming more comparable to a bloodhound than, say, my high school classmates!  Anyway, I stumbled upon this product that is GUARANTEED to erase YEARS off my skin!  It guarantees, in only 3 minutes twice a day, to give me a face-lifted face without the face lift!  And on one certain day only, I could get this miracle product for not $1,200.00 - not $500.00 - not even $200.00 (!), but for only 3 payments of $39.95!!  Now I may be laid back, but I'm not stupid!!  They convinced me that, for only 6 minutes a day, I could have the face of a 30 year old!  I WAS SOLD!!

Well I have to tell you, I was ECSTATIC when this miracle product arrived at my door!!  In just a matter of 3 days, I accomplished 'ripping' that puppy out of the box, sped through the directions, and began.  I decided to share the results of this wonder with you, friends, so perhaps  you too, will be as impressed as I was!!

1.  They tell you to take a before picture of yourself.  Here is where it gets scary.  I try not to look in the mirror too often, let alone take a picture that focuses on my face!  (I'm not Amish or anything, it's just that the practice of  "looking away" works so well for me when I get a shot, I figured it would work just as well when I started looking in the mirror and saw my father staring back at me!  Especially the jowl area (refer back to the 'bloodhound' section, above.  If my ears start to droop, we're in deep trouble folks!!)  Okay, so, always one to follow directions, I washed my face and snapped a picture (WARNING!! The following may not be suitable viewing for peri-menopausal women...Yes darlings, you are headed in this general direction)

UGH...You can clearly see how time, gravity and allergies have taken their toll...Sad really - Look away - It's not as painful.

 

And now, the amazing part.  You turn this thing on and run it all over your face (AFTER applying this miracle PRE-FACE stuff they send you with the product.  I ain't gonna lie to ya friends, it stings!  Oh, I'm sorry, I mean, it TINGLES (per the instructions).  (Wow, that picture is like a bad wreck!  You WANT to look away, but you just CAN'T!)

 

ANYway, I slopped the stuff all over my face, "paying particular attention to the eyebrow area.  Start at the bridge of your nose and work your way out (using the orbital bone as a guide (? - huh! Didn't know there was anything 'orbital' about me!)) to the edge of your eyebrow.  Hold for 5 seconds and release.  You will see an IMMEDIATE lifting effect, making your eyes appear lifted and more open!"

Is it me, or should I put a pipe in my mouth and call it a day?

 

You have to admit - It looks like SOMETHING is working!!

 

They also have exercises.  Let's just say I decided the exercises were optional.  I'm not sure I want to look like Popeye for the rest of my life (or possibly Mammy Yokum), but then I still have the OTHER half of my face to do, so let's move forward....

 

WOW.  The results are FANTASTIC!  TOO fantastic, I'm afraid.  Now I look like Bette Davis.  YIKES.  At least Mammy Yokum fits my personality!

 

 

Well, you can't say my eyebrows don't "appear" lifted.  I wonder how long this will last??  It is also clear from this picture that my jowls have lifted, giving me the appearance of a chipmunk rather than a hound dog!

 

Alrighty then!  I've FINALLY found a product that really does do what it says, and does it better than it promises!  Maybe if I turn the dial down a notch or two..  I'll let you know how THAT works out!