Middle Aged Meanderings

2011-10-12T11:10:00.000-07:00

Ok, I simply cannot keep this to myself. I received this email at work today from a co-member of a professional organization we belong to:

International Development is selling cookbooks put together from member submissions. I am almost sure that they have tested all of the recipe’s before putting them in this book or someone was particularly proud of the recipe and it was probably because one of their friends or their family told them it was great.

At any rate, we don’t participate in fundraising to get good recipes, that is just the bonus. Please support your organization, order a book, get a recipe that looks like it may have potential. Use the recipes over the holidays and if anyone complains about the food, you can always tell them that at least one person said that the recipe was a solid addition to your library of food preparation repertoire. Oh yeah, quote me on this, “These recipes are a solid addition to your library of food preparation.”

Thanks,

Jeff

I must tell you...I do not HAVE a library of food preparation, because I really don't cook. However, with this great sales pitch, I might just have to spring for the cost of a copy! So excuse me while I order my copy and go design my "library of food preparation".

Whew!

2011-10-05T13:50:00.000-07:00

In all the hub-bub of daily life, it hadn't occurred to me until just now that I've passed 100 posts on this little blog! My goodness! To think this started out as a way to document my journey through a very difficult time in my life! Although the entries have been erratic, it is interesting for me to go back and see some of the snippets of my life over the last 3 or so years!

I've already missed a day in my quest to complete 'one post per day' during this month of Blogtoberfest! It didn't slip my mind, either; however, the day slipped away before I could get around to getting it done. I am so grateful that this is not a high-pressure idea where you MUST post something every day. Well, I probably wouldn't have ventured it had THAT been so. I know better than to commit myself to ANYTHING right now. I am learning, however, of the importance of committing to doing certain things you WANT to do, and not just making the MUST do things a priority. And I find that quite enjoyable - knowing that the pleasant, fun, "paisley" part of yourself deserves a place of importance, alongside the necessary mundane tasks of everyday life. I'm starting to realize that there are aspects of my "self" I didn't realize existed....Some fun, surprising, even intimidating things! I am anxious to explore them, to try them on for size. I might actually find that I love this 'late-middle' part of my life!

What is this "Blogtoberfest"?

2011-10-03T16:09:00.000-07:00

Oh my, what have I done? I feel like I just got on a bus I have no business getting on, but I want to go for the ride! A few days ago while visiting one of my favorite blogs, Fabulously Artsy, I discovered that October is indeed "Blogtoberfest" and she included an invitation to join in. She even designed a cute little button I could (and did) add to my blog, advertising this month-long event. She promises to bring us many wonderful tips and blog-type tricks to make our own corner of the blog-universe more visitor friendly and author-fun! I copied that little code and stuck it right up on my side bar, just because I thought it was sooo cute! It might also remind me to check her blog daily to make sure I get every single snippet she offers, because I feel I know the Stamp Goddess well enough at this point to tell you that SHE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT!
I must tell you, however (as you can easily see if you check the LAST time I posted), that I am not exactly a regular blog post-er. I mean, I love the idea of a blog, and I love READING other people's blogs, but when it comes right down to it....Hmmm, turns out I'm just not that full of fun information! I'm pretty sure that if I committed to blogging every day, you'd be getting a weather report, a daily blurb about the mood I'm in, and that's it! As I understand it, however, 'Blogtoberfest' is an opportunity to re-invest yourself in your blog - to learn more about blogging, writing and story telling, and just who can say no to that, I ask you?? I did wonder though, if this was another fantastic creation of the Goddess's, or if there was actually a national/international organization for Blogtoberfest? When in doubt, GOOGLE....right? And SURPRISE, SURPRISE! There are actually several links associated in one way or another with Blogtoberfest. I chose to click on Tinniegirl's link to see what she had to say and LO! I was certainly not disappointed! She invites everyone who would like to sign up for Blogtoberfest. After I read a few of the comments, I lost my head and signed up! I VERY much want to participate in this fun fest (I AM a fun fest type of gal...if you know me, you know that), so I intend to commit to entering SOMETHING here everyday. Something more entertaining than just a weather report (that is, unless my unleashed Id shows up and takes over...Lord knows where we may end up in that case!) Anyway, here's to a wonderful Blogtober!! To all of the folks I have joined, or who may join me in this adventure, I wish you the VERY best of blogging! TAKE MY TICKET, PLEASE! :) THE SEAT NEXT TO ME IS OPEN!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2011-08-19T16:39:00.000-07:00

Good grief, it's been 8 months since I've posted anything to this blog! It's not that I haven't thought about posting, it's just that I couldn't think of anything much to post about. I still don't have anything earth-shattering to say, but I want to get that last post off the page, or at least a little lower down! I don't THINK I went crazy, for pete's sake (not that I've ever been totally sane). Maybe I should give a brief synopsis of how the year has progressed thus far:

My daughter, her son and their dog moved in with us just before Christmas last year. Understand that my house is about 900 square feet, and you can imagine the fun we all have stumbling over one another! I do very much enjoy having them with us. They keep life very interesting, which is something I need, considering how easily moved I am to boredom! This was not a voluntary move on Carly's part. She simply found it necessary to leave her position at work, and never DREAMED how difficult it would be to re-gain employment! She's had what seems like countless interviews - three, four, even FIVE interviews with a single company, only to find that she had ultimately been passed over by each employer! I can't imagine her frustration at this point, nor can I fathom why no one has hired her to date! She has a brilliant mind and a pleasant demeanor...A perfect candidate for any business (perhaps as her mother, I'm biased :))

In April of this year, Carly had a very serious illness which came near to taking her life. Fortunately, the doctors were able to correct her problem after what turned out to be a three or four hour surgery. She is still woefully thin and hasn't quite determined what foods she can eat without spending the rest of the evening or next day in bed!

Spring was practically non-existent here this year, with more rain than I thought was possible! It's been only within the last month or two that we've really enjoyed summer weather. I do hope summer will linger awhile after Labor Day this year.

On Wednesday of this week, a hillside just south of town caught fire, and for several hours, we all wondered whether our little town would go up in flames! It burned just over 17 acres, but was brought under control (for the most part) that evening, thanks to the valiant efforts of the Forest Service and firefighters from all over our little valley. I for one am extremely grateful to these brave folks for saving our little burg!

I'm hanging in there from day to day, as most folks are in the area. Is it possible for a person to go into a recession, as our country has done? I don't think I'm depressed, but I'm certainly not the happiest person on the planet!

Perhaps the saddest thing that's happened is that my son Josh and his wife Tia have separated. Josh is also currently unemployed following a few ventures in Vegas that didn't quite pan out. He seems to be having the same luck Carly, as well at a little over 9% (seasonally adjusted :)) of the people in our country, are having at the present time. Life is no bowl of cherries for anyone, it seems!

And so, we look forward to the rest of 2011. Hopefully, good things will soon be happening again on all fronts. Until that time, count your blessings and keep your nose clean!

The Crazies

2010-12-16T15:40:00.000-08:00

I seem to have fallen into another case of the crazies. I don't know how it happened, and I don't know how to pull myself out of it (well, I guess I do, but I haven't). I've convinced myself that I hate my job, but I'm not sure that's actually the truth. I have a horrible cold right now but that isn't what clouds my thinking. I'm sitting here wondering how to crawl out of the abyss.

It's different this time. Ron Bacardi and Peter Vella are not a part of this fiasco. It's all just me. Am I not the Captain of my ship? The Master of my domain? Why can't I pick myself up by the bootstraps and get on with my life? Am I just that lazy, or is there something organic that causes me to feel this way? The total apathy; the lack of ambition. It's miserable and somehow, it's oddly comfortable. It is withdrawal. But, why? Why do I do this? How did I get here again? I want to be a productive, striving individual, but somehow, that person is not as strong as the apathetic nobody that seems to dominate my moods and actions. Something needs to be done. I need to decide which way I want to live out the rest of my life. Will it be doing what I need to do to be proud of the woman I am, or shall I live out my days in my pajamas, watching old re-runs and making myself physically ill? The choice is clear to me. Why can I not take the necessary action?

Random Thoughts...

2010-12-07T11:46:00.000-08:00

I was just thinking....You know how they say that when you die you'll be greeted on that heavenly shore by your dearly departed loved ones? I've been saved and I know I'm going to heaven, but I'm not without fault! I have to admit, I haven't been the best follower of the Lord at all times. So, I was just thinking....I've had some friendships/relationships with a number of things in my life. INanimate objects, like my car. Animate objects, like my dogs. I even had an odd friendship with a cat face spider this summer! What if there's a party going on when I get there and God sends my Camry down to greet me/drive me back to the goings on? What if I'm met at the pearly gates by no one other than my springer spaniel, Patch?! It would be a bit of a letdown, don't you think? Kind of like being met at the airport by no one.
Well, if I don't rate a full blown salute when I reach the pearly shores, Lord, I will totally understand. Like I said, I haven't been the best fish in the pond....The best sheep in the flock. But please, Lord, grant me one wish. Don't let me be greeted at the gate by that cat face spider!

All Hail Facebook!

2010-11-03T14:54:00.000-07:00

I joined Facebook awhile back and I really enjoy it. It's an easy way to stay current with people you like and there are a few fun games you can play. But the thing I like best is that I have found friends on Facebook with whom I'd completely lost touch! People who meant a lot to me, going clear back to a time I could barely remember or for which I had just begun having cognitive memory. It's fantastic.

Today I got a message on Facebook from one of my very first friends. I don't know exactly how old J and I were when we first met, but we couldn't have been more than 3.

My grandmother took care of me up until the time she died at the age of 82. We did everything together, and since we did, she drug me along to one of her lady friend's house one day. This particular lady was every bit my grandma's age, and as my grandmother knocked at the door and we waited for Esther to answer, I remember hearing a little girl squealing and splashing in a bath tub nearby! I looked up and found that the water play was coming from an upstairs window next door to Esther's house and I asked my grandma who it was, playing and having so much fun. My grandma wasn't sure, but she promised to ask Esther, who would surely know.

After we got inside Esther's house and the cookies were laid out, my grandma asked Esther if there was a little girl living next door. "Why yes, indeed! Her name is J. " Then she looked at me and asked "Would you like for me to call her mother and see if J can come over to play?" Obviously, I was beside myself to think I could pass the time with a little friend instead of sitting in a dusty old chair watching my grandma and her friend trade stories about the "olden days"!

J was brought over a short while later. I don't recall much about the first meeting...must have been pretty overwhelmed when she finally arrived. I only know, however, from that day forward, J's and my friendship grew and we became inseparable.

J was not an only child, but her sister was significantly older than she and so she was raised alone, much as I was. However, J. was fortunate in that it seemed her mother bought her every new toy and gadget that came down the pike. It seemed like every time I saw her, she had some new play thing. I particularly remember a plastic, round device that went over the top of a soda bottle that was previously filled with water. The idea was to fill the bottle with water, put a "Fizzies" into the globe, attach it to the bottle and enjoy water that was magically transformed in a sparkling treat! J. was also the first kid on the block to have Barbie AND Midge, Creepy Crawlers, and the edible Creepy Crawlers. When we were smaller, she had an entire toy kitchen, complete with refrigerator, stove and sink. Her 'fridge even had real food! She had a pup tent, which we enjoyed using for our club house. We'd pick green apples from the tree above her house and bring them back to store in the tent. We didn't realize what the hot summer sun would do to a bunch of green apples. I don't think that tent EVER lost its smell! Later on, she got the little shed outside to use as a play house of sorts. We had much bigger ideas, however. WE turned that shed into the finest Beatles Fan Club House you'd ever want to see, and we held weekly, no, daily meetings in which we sang the praises of the Fab 4.

J was able to run all over the hill before I was, and for that reason, my dad named her the "Pied Piper". Funny thing was, every dog on the hill seemed to follow her wherever she went, and she was perfectly content with that. She was going to grow up and be a veterinarian or SOME kind of dog person, and she always seemed to scrape enough money together to purchase some kind of doggie treats for her four-legged entourage, most commonly "Lolli-Pups". Lolli-Pups were little round, multi-colored bisquits for dogs, and I swear, they looked as good as candy! One day, J and I were sitting on the side of the hill, feeding the dogs their daily treats and talking about nothing in particular. J suddenly decided that we should try the Lolli-Pups. Not one to miss out on a new taste treat (especially if it was candy), I jumped right on the band wagon. J decided I could try them first. I of course was a little hesitant - After all, they WERE marketed for DOGS. I finally popped it into my mouth and began to chew. This was followed shortly with massive spitting, choking and spewing! Let me tell you something - If you ever get the urge to eat a "Lolli-Pup", don't! They are NOT as good as they look, especially when you're 6 years old.

J and I owned the South Hill in Wallace for many years, until my parents purchased a house down the road in Kellogg when we moved. I missed J dearly; fortunately, our mothers let us spend the night with each other frequently. I shared most all of my "kid" experiences with J...Mexican jumping beans, roller skating downtown, troll dolls and our first boyfriends. We even bragged it up to each other when we got our first bras!

Somehow, about the time I was a junior in high school, J and I lost touch. Oh, I saw her once during an all class reunion, but only in passing. By that time, she and I were both grown adults and she lived down in Southern Idaho, far away from that south hill. And then, I didn't see her at all anymore. Until just the other night, on Facebook. J and I are both back in the valley where we grew up. Together again...LET'S DUST OFF THOSE BEATLE ALBUMS AND LET THE PARTY BEGIN!

I'M COMING BACK!!

2010-07-27T13:04:00.000-07:00

Hello to all of you who read my blog!

It's been a long, dry spell for me, but NO MORE!! I'm soon going to dig in again, all refreshed and inspired. I'm going to write a blook on my blog. It's all for me, really. I'm no writer and I'm certainly no master of the English language, but it's something I've always wanted to do and it's time for me to do it! So beginning in August, I WILL begin my epic BLOOK. Follow along if you want to - You are certainly welcome! Just don't expect too much, especially from the veteran of the "Great Honeybun War of 2008".

See you soon! :)

Tied to Technology

2010-02-19T23:14:00.000-08:00

Today was quite an interesting day in the office! We arrived this morning to find that our computer system had been "upgraded" to Windows 7. If you were a fly on the wall in my office today, here are a few of the comments you would have heard:

"Ok B, so HOW do I log on??"
"Where did all my icons go?"
"(Gasp!) B, all my favorites are gone!"
"What happened to the communicator?"
"WHAT HAPPENED TO OUTLOOK?"
"WHAT HAPPENED TO WORD?"
"I have to do WHAT to get my printers back?"
"I have to do THAT to get Sharepoint to work?"
"What do you mean, I have to configure spell check?"
"WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR DATABASE??"
"What are printer drivers and where do I get them?"
"If you can't make this work, can I go home?"

You get the idea. Our Department has been tied to technology for about 13 years now, but every time a change is made, you would think we'd never turned on a computer before in our lives! If it weren't so aggravating, it would be funny! If you are at all tech savvy, I'm sure you're laughing as you read this, or, if you are a computer tech, you are no doubt rolling your eyes! I think I can sum up the feelings in our office today with one sentence:

"I'M A P.C.....AND WINDOWS 7 WAS NOT MY IDEA!!"

Regional Ties

2010-02-18T21:29:00.000-08:00

Today I traveled up to Sandpoint to give a presentation. I hadn't spoken to this group since 2007 and it was so nice to again see several of the ladies I communicate with on a fairly regular basis by email and telephone!
In my job, we each have a "territory" to cover. My area consists of Idaho's 10 northern counties. It covers quite a wide geographical area - about 300 miles from the Canadian border to the southern-most tip of my area, and border-to-border, west to east. The terrain varies, from significant mountain ranges in the north to prairie land as you travel south. Industries also vary within the region, and employers encounter problems specific to their industry. In my 20-plus years with the Department, I've gained positive, professional relationships with many of these employers. In all those years, I've learned one very important thing. Whether logging contractors or farmers, they all take great pride in living and working in our beautiful North/North Central Idaho. It's the regional tie that binds us all together.

Organizational Ties

2010-02-17T22:06:00.000-08:00

My brother, my husband and I are hosting a family reunion this summer. It will be the first family reunion we've had in almost 16 years. I have all these ideas for our get together jumbled in my mind and I need to get moving on them or the date will be here and I will not be ready! Time to get out pen and paper and start making a plan. It's the only way I can organize myself and begin. I am definitely tied to organization!

All Tied Up

2010-02-16T22:01:00.000-08:00

My, my! This writing about 'ties' every day for a month is getting to be quite a challenge! I only have a few more ideas up my sleeve and they are weak, to boot! My mind is all tied up trying to figure out what to do! Come back tomorrow and see what I've thought up!

Tied to the Holidays

2010-02-15T21:51:00.000-08:00

I love Monday holidays because it means I get an extra day off work. That sounds selfish, I know, but since I've been pretty much working since I was 16 years old, it's nice to get an extra day off once in awhile. I always try to observe the holiday in one way or another. For instance, today I watched a series of documentaries on the Presidents. It only went up to Lincoln, but then I appreciated that because I know very little about the first 16 presidents. It was interesting, and I enjoyed it. I think I even learned a bit about our first leaders; things I wasn't aware of prior to watching the show. It was interesting. I am thankful for Monday holidays, and I will continue to look forward to them and the fact that my extra days off are tied to these holidays!

Tied to a Sweetheart

2010-02-14T22:35:00.000-08:00

I have the best Valentine anyone ever had. His name is Kelly. We've known each other now for 25 years, and it seems like each day is better than the last. He came into my life at a very painful time for me, and I'm certain that without him, I would have never made it through. He was there for me when there was no one else. We always got along very well and I've shared countless laughs with him. Kelly is an extremely special person. He would (and has) given his last dollar to anyone he believes needs it. He constantly finds ways to do kind things - not just for me, but for people he meets every day.

Kelly has run pro shops in bowling centers all his life and is a crack mechanic on the machines as well. When he worked at the Cove Bowl, people from all over the Northwest would come in to have him drill their bowling ball, because no one can give you a better fit. And I can't begin to tell you the number of folks who've brought in their balls for him to plug and re-drill because they made the mistake of having someone else drill it!

Kelly became very, very ill in 2001 and almost died. He has never fully recovered and has never been able to return to work. So he spends his days doing things for other people. In the winter, he snow blows the entire block before anyone steps out the door for work. Once he came to pick me up from work. It was snowing quite steadily and had been for some time. He got out of the car into the driving snow and proceeded to clear all of the snow from the ladies windshields just before they left for the day. Whenever it was particularly cold outside, he would stop by my office shortly before the end of the day, start my car and let it warm up, so that when I came out, my car was toasty warm for the trip home.

Since he can't work anymore, he's spent countless days studying computers, and he's become an expert in that field. He's put together slide shows for my girlfriends whenever they've needed them, come to several of my co-workers' rescue when their computer has "gone down", and took pictures and put together a wonderful video of my 30th high school reunion, all musically choreographed.

I haven't touched the tip of the iceberg regarding the things this man has done for me and countless others. He never asks for anything in return and actually acts a little offended on occasion if you try to reimburse him in some way for his trouble. I am absolutely convinced that he's an angel on earth. How I ever got lucky enough to have him for a husband is beyond me. I cannot ever begin to give him everything he's given me. He has been a savior to me and will forever be my knight in shining armour. I love him more than words can say and I always will. He is one of the greatest gifts God has ever given me. I will never be able to adequately express my love and gratitude for him. I am truly tied to a sweetheart! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, MY DARLING MAN!!

Friendly Ties

2010-02-13T22:34:00.001-08:00

Today I spent a very pleasant day with my friend Jeri. Jeri and I have known each other for years. Jeri worked with my husband back in the good ol' Cove Bowl days. In 1994, she came to work as our office secretary and she's been there ever since.

Jeri and I always have a great time together. We absolutely crack each other up! I have great regard for Jeri. She and her husband Gerry have been there for Kelly and I during each and every rough patch. We've celebrated good times with them on numerous occasions. We've encouraged each other through the thrills and spills of raising children to adulthood and shared each other's joy at becoming a grandparent. I love Jeri. She's an absolute treasure. I hope our ties of friendship remain strong through the rest of of our lives.

Tied to a Tragedy?

2010-02-12T23:07:00.001-08:00

I love the Olympic games. I don't care whether it's summer or winter, the Olympic games are always a grand spectacle. I've been looking forward to these particular winter games because they are happening very near to where I live.

The Vancouver Olympics, however, seem to be getting off to a rough start. With the El Nino weather we've experienced in the region this year, Vancouver has had to truck in snow for several of the Olympic events. The rain is putting a damper on the festivities, but today, a real tragedy occurred. A young athlete from Soviet Georgia was killed while making a training run on the luge.

They say Vancouver's luge run is the most dangerous ever, and Vancouver is now being criticized for the way the track was constructed. The world drew a collective gasp at the news of the 21 year old's death, and of course our hearts go out to the young man's family, his teammates, and his country. I do hope, however, that this tragedy does not mar these Olympic games.

They say it was the dream of the young man to participate in the Olympic games. The heart of a true Olympic athlete would never want to be responsible for dampening the spirit of the games. For 17 days, we come together, from all over the world, to engage in friendly, spirited competition. For this brief period of time, we can almost believe we are all one people, connected to each other and living in peace.

Canada has done a fantastic job of preparing for these games. The opening ceremony was absolutely beautiful. Vancouver is a wonderful city. Please don't allow these Olympic games to go into the history books tied to a tragedy.

Creative Ties

2010-02-11T23:44:00.000-08:00

The last weekend of this month, I am attending something called Creative University. It is a scrapbooking retreat of sorts, and I am very much anticipating the experience.

I've never considered myself a very creative person, but I've always enjoyed the arts, and I very much enjoy crocheting, cross-stitching, and making Ukranian Easter eggs. Many years ago, I took classes to learn to make stained glass, and I loved it!! But, it's only been in the last 5 years that I've experimented with paper crafting, and I find that I absolutely love it!

Anyway, a close friend and I signed up for Creative University, thinking we would experience a wonderful, educational weekend of scrapbooking techniques, card making and other paper-related crafts. What it has become is much, much more than that! The facilitator of C.U. put up a web page so all of us attendees could become "acquainted" prior to the actual weekend. We've discovered that these are a group in incredibly talented ladies, and in addition to the paper crafting, they are also quite the jewelry makers!

Being the adventurers that we are, my friend and I signed up for every little contest and side-shop being held. One of these is a charm swap. Everyone makes a charm for a bracelet, and when we get to C.U., the bracelets will be assembled. When I realized what I'd gotten myself into, I panicked, but J. talked me off the ceiling and assured me that I would be able to do it and she would be there to help. And so here I sit, nearly midnight, about 2 weeks before C.U., baking my "charms" for the charm swap. My creations leave a lot to be desired, but I'm oddly proud of them and if nothing else, they'll provide comic relief for the bracelets. And, while they bake, I can get my blog posting done for the day! I'll sleep tonight with a feeling of accomplishment, and 15 of the most "unique" charms any of the women will ever wear! Let the creativity begin!

Tied to the Hope of Spring

2010-02-10T22:39:00.000-08:00

Considering that we live in the Inland Northwest, I must say we have had an exceptionally good winter. However, my heart is tied to the hope of spring. When I was in the 6th grade, our teacher selected this poem for us to memorize. I've always loved it, just as I love knowing that spring is around the corner, and daffodils will soon be in bloom!

"Daffodils" (1804)
I WANDER'D lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;Beside the lake, beneath the trees,Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the Milky Way,They stretch'd in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:Ten thousand saw I at a glance,Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:I gazed -- and gazed -- but little thoughtWhat wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;And then my heart with pleasure fills,And dances with the daffodils.
By William Wordsworth (1770-1850).

Brain-Tied

2010-02-09T21:52:00.000-08:00

Again with the exhaustion..I am soo tired, and my brain has tied itself in knots. No alternative but to head to bed and hope for better tomorrow!

Improbable Ties

2010-02-08T20:36:00.000-08:00

I officially became part of a research study today. Of all the things I've experienced in my life, I never dreamed I'd be tied to a research study! But, the "opportunity" presented itself and I couldn't resist.

I've had lung problems all my life. I was diagnosed with asthma at the age of 4, and it dogged me right through my teen years. It wasn't until after I'd had my 1st son that it seemed to improve. Eventually, I'd thought I'd outgrown it. However, as I've aged, it seems to have returned and it's getting progressively worse, to the point that I've now been diagnosed with moderate COPD. Not that 27 years of smoking (yes, smoking) helped it at all...Anyway, when I heard they were looking for people over the age of 40 with COPD, I decided to volunteer.

I left work at 11:00 a.m. today and drove over to Spokane to see if I was the type of person that would meet the criteria for the study. As it turns out, I am exactly the type they are looking for! (Oh, joy!) As I drove over, I asked myself why I would want to participate in such a study. I immediately thought of the reason I SHOULD want to be involved - to hopefully help provide future COPD patients with the opportunity for more effective treatment. But I must tell you, that is NOT the first thing that popped into my head! Ashamedly, I must confess that my first reason was CURIOSITY. I'd heard of these studies all my life, and had even known a few people who'd participated. I always wanted to know details; what was involved, what happened during the studies? If the medications provided dramatic improvement to the individual(s) participating, do they just let them keep taking the experimental drug?

An even less altruistic reason for taking part is that you are PAID to be part of the study. Mind you, you won't make enough to take a year long sabbatical from your day job, but it IS about equal to the cost I would have to pay for an office visit, which tickled me in a way. Who'd have thought I'd find a way to get the doctors to pay ME to go see them? I was feeling quite smug as I walked through the doors of the 5th and Browne Medical Building. In my own little way, I was beating the system!

However, upon finding out I'd been accepted into the double-blind study and being briefed on the particulars, I walked out of the building feeling more like an alcoholic who'd just sold a pint of blood than any kind of hero. Are my morals not what I'd always thought they were? Was money the REAL reason I was taking part in the study? PERISH THE THOUGHT! Of course not! The money is a small stipend to help pay the mileage back and forth to the research facility. A gratuity for my agreeing to participate in a study that could possibly (not PROBABLY, but POSSIBLY) kill me. What lame, selfish reasons to be taking part in this study! I don't feel comfortable even considering such things and I refuse to believe I could seriously consider participating in any kind of study unless I knew that it would somehow ultimately benefit those suffering, now or in the future, from lung disease. But I still can't help feeling curious....Who indeed would have thought that I'd ever be tied to such a thing?

I've always thought about donating my body to science after I die. Who knew I'd be doing it BEFORE?

She's Tied to ME!

2010-02-07T21:58:00.000-08:00

We're babysitting for the weekend - The sweetest little 12 week old you ever saw. Most babies don't take to me right away, and I must admit, she was no different. She was slow to warm up, but I took her to bed with me. Now, I know the experts don't advocate taking babies to bed - especially babies this young. But she was a little uneasy the first night away from home, so I thought she'd feel more secure with me, and into the bed we went. When we woke up this morning, she was ALL MINE. She's been glued to me all day, and I'm LOVIN' it!! I named this precious little girl, and even if we can't keep her, she'll always be my baby. Let me show you a few pictures of this precious little girl who is TIED TO ME!!

I named her Elsie. Can you guess why?

Tied to My Animals

2010-02-06T21:22:00.000-08:00

I am totally and completely tied to my animals. I am madly in love with dogs - all dogs, any dogs. I believe it's because I've never been without one. A dog has been a member of our family since I can remember, and I have loved every single one. The first dog I ever remember having was a cocker spaniel named Clancey. He had very strawberry blond hair, and he LOVED to be with us kids. He would follow my brother all over town, whether my brother wanted him to or not. He would come happily trotting home on a Sunday morning after romping around the hills above our house with a mouth full of porcupine quills, and would sit perfectly still while my grandmother sat and patiently removed every one. As soon as she finished, he was ready to chase me around the house again, or do whatever I wanted to do.

Birds have not been a staple in my life, at least, not until about 2003. I'm guessing at that, because I don't quite remember what year I drug Elvis home. The lady that did my nails at the time had Elvis. She was completely terrified of him. She got him from another nail lady who couldn't keep him anymore. Tamberly had him in a room by himself, and it was clear that he hated every minute of it! You could hear him chirping at the top of his lungs...Whistling his heart out for attention. I'd really never had an affinity for birds, but I felt sorry for this one. It was clear he wanted to be part of the action! One day out of the blue, she asked me if I wanted to take him home with me. I immediately told her I did. My husband was incredulous, but being an animal lover himself, didn't say too much as I approached the car with a big cage, a stand, and all of Elvis' paraphanalia. We drove him home, made a place for him in the corner of our living room, and he became a part of the family.
He was the most talented little cockatiel I'd ever seen (not having seen too many). We taught him the wolf whistle in no time at all, and he never let me down. At a time in my life when I failed to garner a lot of wolf whistles, Elvis was there for me, first thing every morning. He always started my day off right. He also loved music. Rockin' Robin would send him to another planet!! He danced so hard, back and forth across that cage of his, the whole thing would rock! And for a deep bow, all you had to say was "Where's my pretty boy?"

I came home from work one night a few weeks ago to find poor little Elvis huddled up against the side of his cage. His feathers were ruffled and he was leaning his little head against the sides in an effort to hold himself up. Kelly and I could see he was not feeling well, but not having had birds before, we didn't really know what to do. We watched him as his breathing became more labored and he finally fell to the bottom of his cage. We lifted him out and held him until we were sure he'd made his way to birdie heaven, then Kelly went and found a box that he lined with papers. We carefully laid him in the box, along with his favorite bell. We both cried. Kelly took him up the river and found a place to bury him. It was one of the saddest nights of my life. I still very much feel the loss of that little pied cockatiel. I never realized how tied to the bird I'd become. Rest in peace, Elvis...I brought you home to provide you some company. I never realized how much company you'd provide me. I love you Elvis Pretzel!

FIT TO BE TIED!!

2010-02-05T21:31:00.000-08:00

No, I don't have a Wikipedian explanation for this phrase (though I will probably search its origins at some point because I enjoy doing that). It's been a VERY busy week for me, I'm simply exhausted, and fit to be tied....To my bed! :) Best wishes for a very good night!

Another Workshop All Tied Up!

2010-02-04T22:16:00.000-08:00

The first Thursday of each month, I host a scrapbooking workshop. We're getting an excellent group of ladies, each very creative in their own right. I present one technique and set them free. This month I thought it would be fun to do a variation on the standard mat we use to frame our pictures. The gals really went to town, and in no time at all, another workshop was in full swing!! I really love doing these workshops. I've met a lot of lovely ladies, and the time spent together ties us ever closer.

One Bag, Endless Possibilities...

2010-02-03T21:14:00.001-08:00

Tonight I attended a Miche Bag party. Have you heard of Miche bags? They are AWESOME. You buy a base, and then wrap a shell around the base! This means you NEVER have to change out purses! When you want a different look, simply change the SHELL around the base, and WA-LAHHH!! New purse!!

The concept is relatively new, I think. Invented by a girl named Michelle. I wish I'd thought of it! She somehow determined that it would be easier to change the OUTSIDE of your purse than it is to have to remove the entire contents of one purse and place it into the guts of another! INGENIOUS!! I LOVE the concept! Here are a few examples:

This is the "Lexi" shell;

This is totally awesome. Called "Hope", it is the bag they designed to raise cancer awareness. It is printed with actual phrases from cancer patients and survivors. Part of the proceeds from the sale of this bag goes to cancer research. What better reason to purchase a PURSE??

I am totally in love with these purses!! I received 3 shells and a base for Christmas. I'm building on my collection now. It's an inexpensive way to build a great variety of purses WITHOUT EVER HAVING TO EMPTY THE CONTENTS OF ONE BAG TO PLACE INTO ANOTHER!!

So, I hope you'll excuse me if I'm posting a little later than usual...You might say I was a little "tied up"....

Speechless, Or....

2010-02-02T21:45:00.000-08:00

When Carson, my grandson, came to visit a few years ago, he and my husband, his poppy, quickly became the best of friends. Each day, they would go out for a little adventure. Some days, it would be a trip around town so Carson could inspect all of the fire hydrants, expertly painted to look like little nutcrackers. Sometimes, they just took the dog for a walk (which was quite a feat for a 4 year old when the dog weighed about 80 pounds!), and some days, they went fishing down at the slough.

One particular Saturday, about noon, Carson and Poppy decided it was time to go out again and see what they could find. Carson's mom and I had been lazily watching movies all morning and still had our pajamas on. As they started out the door, Poppy told Carson to "ask Gamma why she doesn't get dressed and go outside with you". Without hesitation, Carson whirled around on one foot, pointed a little finger my way and said "YES, GAMMA, GET DWESSED! Because NO ONE wikes to see you naked!"

Need I say it? I was absolutely TONGUE-TIED!

Tie One On!!

2010-02-01T17:13:00.000-08:00

Since NaBloPoMo's theme for this month is "ties", and since I decided to try and write something each and every day this month, I immediately began thinking of all the ways you could use "ties" in a blog post. Today, my brilliant mind came up with "Tie One On", and I immediately began to wonder about the origins of that phrase. Google sent me straigt to the Maven's Word of the Day, and sure enough, I found what I needed. I thought you might also enjoy what "the Maven" had to say about the matter:

There are two explanations for tie one on. The first answers the obvious question: "Tie one what on?" The missing piece is a bun. It seems that the expression we all know, tie one on, may actually bean abbreviated version of some older expressions that I had never heard, like get a bun on, have a bun on, or tie a bun on.

So, what do buns have to do with getting drunk? Excellent question. For the past hundred years or so, a bun has been slang for 'a state of drunkenness': "Can you recall those days? The Naughty Nineties? The days when a bender was called a bun; when a man who was frequently intoxicated was an old toper and not a souse?" (Shay, Pious Friends, 1927).

And that's where the trail goes cold. Why the word bun was ever related to drunkeness is a mystery. In all of the expressions, the operative preposition is "on." Whether there was actually a fraternity or some other happy group of people that at one time literally tied buns on, or whether it was an ancient, long-forgotten sobriety test (-"Walk with this bun on your head if you are sober" -"Boy, Fred is so drunk he's tied one on to pass the test!") we will never know.

The bun citations become more scarce in the 1970s and fade away altogether in the 1980s. Today, tie one on is much more frequently found than any of the older expressions about the bun.

The second explanation for tie one on avoids mentioning the bun altogether. Instead, it points to the sister phrase hang one on. Both hang one on and the bun-less tie one on first appeared in the 1930s. The evidence does not clearly show which expression came first, and arguments that hang one on is related to hangover are pure speculation.

So it seems that we have an entire cluster of expressions with lost, blank, and forgotten origins. How appropriate that tie one on and the other drinking-buddy expressions have a common morning-after problem like forgetting where they have been.

Heather

Perhaps I don't know any more about "tying one on" than I did before, but it was a good way to accomplish another day's posting about "ties"!

Here We Go!

2010-01-31T19:47:00.000-08:00

Wow, the month of January flew past! And NaBloPoMo topic for February is "ties", so I guess I'll give it a shot!

The first thing that came to my mind when I saw the word "ties" was the Gonzaga game the other night. They were playing a team they really should have handily beaten, the "Dons" of San Francisco, but guess what?? The game ended in a TIE, and went into overtime. I must tell you here that I am not a sports fan...Or maybe I'm a fair weather sports fan, because I never miss the playoffs, the Super Bowl, the Big Dance, the Daytona 500, and on and on. But, I'm not a died-hard, watch-every-game- kind of fan. My husband, however, is a DIEHARD fan, and a fan of every single sport that exists. And when HE watches a Zags game, you'd better get out of the way...So, you can imagine the angst when the Zags went into overtime against a team he thought they should have easily beaten. Comments continuously emanated from the kitchen (where he watches a lot of his sports). "The Zags are gonna lose! Can you believe it?? They are going to LOSE!!" "Do you know they had a 23 conference game streak?? THEY HAVEN'T HAD A CONFERENCE GAME LOSS IN OVER 2 YEARS!! AND NOW THIS!!" There is also a lot of feet shuffling, fist banging and lots of 'damns'. Boy, life in this house would be a lot less stressful if colleges would just let their games end in a TIE.

What Does It Take??

2010-01-19T21:22:00.000-08:00

Just what's it gonna take for me to get on this blog each and every day and post something fun, inspiring, thought-provoking or profound? How does one come up with a topic, each and every day, and be able to post it in an entertaining manner? What will it take to open this mind and pour forth joyful, creative ideas that I know for certain are locked inside?

I wish I could dream when I post. I have the most wonderful dreams! I'm always coming up with fantastic ideas (a little strange, but fantastic!) For instance, just the other night, I dreamed that my longtime friend IEG went into the hospital for surgery. It wasn't due to any kind of life-threatening issue, thank the Lord, but it was one of those pesky repair-type surgeries that you don't want to have but decide it's best in the long run to have it. Anyway, she was a little anxious about the whole thing. Somehow, she lived close enough so that I and all her facebook friends were able to visit her in the hospital. I got this great idea to throw her a pre-surgery shower....
About 2 hours before her scheduled surgery, as she was settling into her room, all of us set out to surprise and (hopefully) cheer her up. I went in first (her sister, SVG, was already there). I brought several helium balloons and lots of crepe paper. Her brother, along with countless other friends and family filtered in close behind me, with funny cards, encouraging wall posters and tons of gifts. Eventually, the cake arrived. We pulled IEG's bed out to the middle of floor (with her in it) We crowded around (about 3 layers deep) to watch her open her gifts. She was elated! People were cracking her up, she got countless fun gifts to look forward to following her surgery. Some folks brought their guitars and we all sang songs. It was great!! Eventually the nurses arrived, bustling about, trying to insert her IV's and sedate her for surgery. They were not at all pleased at the crowd, but IEG was in such high spirits that they didn't dare chase us out. And we were treated to a very amusing IEG as the sedation took effect.
As my dream ended, they were rolling her out of the room and down the hall - the helium balloons we tied to her bed wafting in the breeze, waving to us on her behalf. Someone was playing the theme song to "Rocky" in the background.....

When I awoke, it occurred to me that throwing a surgery shower for a person would be a strangely awesome idea! The idea of undergoing ANY kind of surgery is concerning and sometime even traumatizing for a person...A surgery shower should be an entitlement, like a wedding or baby shower. A person undergoing surgery DESERVES a nice warm send-off, with promises that they will be better soon. When better to give a person your support, encouragement, prayers and good wishes? When better to make them feel like a hero!?

A surgery shower would be a celebration in honor of the person - to convey to them that they are loved and supported. A little extra strength to get them through a tough time.

Wish I knew someone who was preparing for surgery. I would TOTALLY be there, fairly floating under the helium balloons, countless friends drifting happily behind me.....

Dichotomy

2010-01-17T14:49:00.000-08:00

I HATE YOU...I Hate the way you've always made me feel. Hate the hurt you've caused me. Hate the belittlement. Hate the proselytizing, and then the switch! I hate your lure, your intelligence, your ability to make me think you loved me when you only needed me to complete a picture of yourself! I hate your sad childhood, your aloneness! Hate your lack of true family. I hate that still now, I love the way you select songs based on the lyric and not the tune. I hate that I still love your humor. I hate that you embrace the races, but hate the people! I hate your stark boldness and your lack of tact. I hate that you are alone, although I warned you of this outcome years ago. I hate that you hate yourself. I hate that I will always love you.

The S-L-O-W Time of Year

2010-01-16T18:38:00.000-08:00

Well let's see...We are 16 days into the new year and I've already run out of things to write about!! Is that a sad statement about my ability to blog, or an even sadder statement about my life right now? It's not that I've haven't done anything yet this year, although I have battled a horrendous cold this past week. I don't want to post something just for the sake of posting, but HEY! This is supposed to be something I'm doing daily, so what is a person to do?? When in doubt, fall back on the animals in your life...They always make for scintillating conversation! I love my animals. My dogs provide me with no end of entertainment. My birds take up where the dogs leave off. Let me show you a few of the things THEY'VE been doing since Christmas:

This is how Goliath spent most of his Christmas Eve..Guess he was waiting for Santa.

"HAS SANTA CLAUS COME YET?"

"OH NO YOU DIDN'T JUST TAKE MY CHRISTMAS BONE!!!"

"OH YES, I DID!"

"Hey mom, would I look good with a perm?"

New Year's Morning, 2010

And this is pretty much where we lie. Yes, this household is getting a slow start on the new year!!

Never A Dull Moment At The Cube Farm!

2010-01-12T21:15:00.000-08:00

I've spent the better part of my working life serving with a government agency. In addition to nearly 22 years at my current job, I spent nearly 8 years with the federal government - 3 of them were served overseas. My job is NEVER boring, but I think the most memorable moments have occurred in these last few years. To give you some idea of what recent days on the job have been like, let me share just a few questions we've received today. These are actual questions received by some of my co-workers, and some on the answers I would LOVE to give, if I had taken the call:

1. Can you tell me what my checking account number is? (Yes, big brother really IS watching you!)

2. I want to look at the jobs on your website, but I don’t want to have to pay the $9.00 fee. Could you tell me if you have any Diesel Mechanic jobs? (Could you tell me when we started charging a $9.00 fee?)

3. When does the new Ethanol plant open? (HMMMM....ETHANOL PLANT???),

And MY favorite:

4. I went to have my PIN reset through your website, but it sent it to my email address and that won’t work because I only check my email every two years or so.

I LOVE MY JOB!!! Let's hope the economy takes a turn for the better SOON!!

Tabor's

2010-01-11T21:31:00.000-08:00

Tabor's to close this month

By Nick Rotunno
Shoshone News Press

January 11, 2009

WALLACE — Since the latter years of the 19th Century, Wallace residents have depended on Tabor’s.

But this month, with the economy reeling and money tight, the old corner store on Cedar Street will be shutting its doors. It will close down by Jan. 29; for the next few weeks shoppers can take advantage of 25 percent off deals on all merchandise.

Tabor’s has always been a resilient place. It survived the great 1910 fire; it burned down in 1931 but was soon back in business. A few decades later, in 1981, Lavigne Drug Group purchased Tabor’s and began guiding its transformation from office stationary supplier to all-around convenience store and pharmacy.

For 30 years the shop remained steadfast, a pillar of the Wallace business district — the one place where a consumer could buy apparel, sporting goods and medicine all in one swoop.

2010 marks the end of a long era.....

************************************************************************************

Tabor's is closing!!

Tabor's has been a mainstay in Wallace since before I was born. I remember my mother talking about the night Tabor's burned in 1931, when she and her sister raced downtown to be part of the excitement, and how she laughed at my Aunt as, by the time they ran back up the hill, up the uncountable steps to their house on the south hill, her precious silk stockings had managed to slip down, down, down around her ankles. I believe it was raining that night, and they were both soaking wet by the time they reached the top of those stairs. The silk stockings were reduced to two worthless pieces of flotsam.

I remember as a child, running downtown to Tabor's, to loiter in the comic book section, to meander through the store, to gaze at the unending office supplies and sundries. Tabor's was one of my favorite stores.

It's hard for me to realize that Tabor's will, as we've known it, no longer exist. Oh, the building will remain...A shell of it's once proud pillar-of-the-community self. Possibly many start-ups will rent space in the old brick building, only to be replaced a few months later by a stark, standing emptiness, as several other buildings in dear old Wallace have become. I and several other former residents will no doubt come back to Wallace periodically, and peer into the empty windows, recalling times when Tabor's was one of the true landmarks in Wallace.

I don't at all blame the current owners for closing the business. After all, business must HAVE business to continue to operate. But the closing of Tabor's to me is another death in the community of the Silver Valley and the string of mountain towns who once stood so tall in the Panhandle as well as our native State. I'll miss you, Tabor's, and I'll mourn your loss!

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY, SOPHIE!!

2010-01-09T22:13:00.000-08:00

Today was my youngest granddaughter's 1st birthday party. Sometimes,pictures DO speak louder than words...

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!!

1 Down, 51 to Go

2010-01-08T22:56:00.000-08:00

Well, we've completed the first full week of the New Year. While it hasn't been an overly eventful week for me, there have been some real highs, and tonight I am simply exhausted. But, because I promised myself that I would write something every night, here I am. I apologize now if I don't make much sense tonight. My brain went to bed about 9:30 p.m. I think.

What were the highlights of the week? The 2 things that stand out in my mind are my first Scrapbooking Workshop (which was so very nice, for which I am thrilled), and of course JACKASS DAY, which doesn't just happen everywhere! On the whole, it was a very successful week, filled with promise for the new year! Forward and upward! Bring on Week 2!!

HAPPY JACKASS DAY!!

2010-01-07T22:59:00.000-08:00

Today was Jackass Day on the mountain. In 1968, they opened a ski hill in our town (that's what we called them back then). They named it Jackass Ski Bowl. Today was the 41st anniversary of that opening. Today, our little ski hill is a full-fledged ski resort known as Silver Mountain. We have a beautiful little gondola village at the base of the mountain, complete with condos, restaurants, shops, and a very impressive indoor water park. Not to mention "the world's longest gondola". And today, to commemorate the grand opening of the "ski hill", Silver let everyone ski for $7.00 - The price of a lift ticket in 1968. I didn't realize this when I made my way to work this morning. As I arrived at the gondola base, the road running out front was literally choked with snowboarders and skiiers, to the point I could barely get through to travel on to work! I couldn't IMAGINE what must be going on to cause all the fuss on a Thursday morning at Silver. When I got to work, I asked several people what they thought was happening. It was a gloriously sunny day, so a few speculated that it was just a fantastic day to ski. I was skeptical however. I couldn't imagine THAT many adults and young people skipping work and school just to ski the mountain on a sunny day. Curiousity finally consumed me, so I pulled up the website to see what all the fuss was about. And that's when I learned of the anniversary. "Oh", I said rather loudly, "It's Jackass Day".

Now I don't work in a large office. It is an agency of state government, and we frequently work with a very disgruntled bunch of public citizens. Some can be downright rude at times. We of course cannot actually SAY they are rude - Not within earshot of our customers, anyway! So, as I cheerfully, loudly announced that it was Jackass Day, you can imagine the consternation on the face of the office manager as she came flying out of her office, headed my way!! The gal sitting across from me also looked a little horror-stricken; mortified that I would make such a public announcement! It didn't take me long to realize my blunder, and I immediately explained the reasoning for my remark. Both of these ladies immediately burst into laughter and relief, happy to learn that I had not just gotten off the phone with an unhappy customer and decided to declare a new holiday.

It is said that this mountain town was discovered by a jackass and is inhabited by it's descendants. Today everyone learned that I am, without a doubt, a proud native!

HAPPY JACKASS DAY!

New Year, New Commitment

2010-01-06T23:03:00.000-08:00

It's January 6th (almost the 7th) and I'm just getting around to doing something I want to do in 2010...That is to write in this blog every day. I don't know how it will go yet. There are so many days where I simply have nothing to say that I feel would be worth posting in a blog. But, I've always fancied having a place to speak my piece - To express my view of things, warped as they often are. I have several friends who are faithful bloggers. I love to read their daily entries - Peak into their lives. I feel in touch with them that way, because most of them live far enough away so that I can't talk to them every day. Maybe I desire to do the same for them. At any rate, I've joined NaBloPoMo (? that's probably not quite right, but I'm new, so I hope they'll forgive me until I learn to properly state their name). This is something to help me stay accountable. I don't know why I need something or someone to be accountable to in order to do the things I want to or I should, but I do. I belong to WeightWatchers online, just to help me lose some necessary weight. I don't take advantage of their tips or recipes...I simply use it to log my weight each week. I could do that on a piece of notebook paper, but somehow, posting it online makes me feel more motivated to lose the weight! Go figure.

I've also made it a point to begin doing more activities I enjoy, so I am learning papercrafting. I'm doing that for several reasons. However, the 'A' type-part of my personality keeps creeping in, so believe it or not, I'm also selling the crafting supplies and teaching workshops! Interesting, since I don't yet know that much about it! Just another part of the conflicting lifestyle I seem to want to lead! It wears me out! I have health issues that require I get adequate sleep, yet I can't seem to get the sleep I need. Yes folks, I guess you could say I'm a walking contradiction, but I'm learning to accept it and trying to acquire some kind of balanced life. Many of my friends and family do get a great deal of entertainment watching my antics, so stay tuned...You may get a chuckle or 2 yourself! And now, I've managed to post the first blog as a "committed" blogger. Let's see how it goes.

Wasteland

2009-09-20T10:36:00.000-07:00

Well, fall's slowly arriving which means I will be spending more time writing on my blog (I hope...You may not).

I wandered over to our local convenience store this morning to pick up some totally unhealthy treat for myself and experienced something that made the gnarly, curmugeonly old Muddah rear her ugly head. Mind you, I'm generally a pretty accepting person whose motto is usually "live and let live". However, I witnessed my pet peeve today, and it was all I could do to keep the Muddah's mouth shut!

I drove into the parking lot to find only one possible parking spot (which is unusual in itself for our tiny town on a Sunday morning). That would have been great, except there was an ugly mound of, good Lord what was it, right outside the door where I parked. I backed the car up slightly to avoid it. As I walked into the store, I encountered an obstacle course of "customers", all of which appeared to be in their early to mid-twenties, aimlessly standing or wandering the aisles. My first encounter was with a 'boy' and 'girl', showing a rather dazed enthusiasm for the novelty lighters close to the checkout stand. "Ahhohhhh, this one looks kind of cool, but I don't know if I could figure out how it works", said the girl as she intently tried to focus on the product. Her male friend offered no assistance, but stood there and stared at her the same way the girl stared at the lighter.

As I made my way to aisle two, I was stopped by another couple, this time a very "girlish" sounding boy and his female "BFF". "Well, I know", but I just think it's more fun when it's just you, me and few other friends, you know?" "Listen, pal...", I hear this girl say as I rudely interrupt with an "excuse me", and the PowerPuff twins move quickly to the side as the boy says "Oh, ha-ha, I am just so good at getting in the way!" I quickly find my purchase and scoot my way back to the checkout stand. As I'm rounding the corner, I see the clerk speeding in the other direction to get behind the counter. "Poor woman", I think to myself as she positions herself at the register to check me out. "I wonder if this onslaught of teenage wasteland is something she has to deal with every Sunday morning?" My thought had barely taken shape when she opened her mouth and uttered what I believe was "How are you this morning?"

Do you remember Cheech and Chong, the two comic druggies from the '70's? You know, "Bassetball Jones", "Up in Smoke" and "Sister Mary Elephant?" Those guys! Well, this woman sounded EXACTLY like Chong! Kind of slow-talkin', with spurious half-thoughts....Half-whining sentences generously peppered with "man".....

Have you seen that movie Sixth Sense with Bruce Willis and Haley Joel Osment, where the boy sees dead people and you think "Thank Gawd, Bruce is there to help him", and then you find out at the end that Bruce is dead TOO?? (Yes, it took me til the end to figure it out! Shut up!) That is what I felt as the clerk uttered those benign words... "How is WHAT? Oh....the morning...this morning...How am I this morning!" Faster, brain, faster!! "Oh, so far, so good!", I managed to stammer. "How are you doing?" "Oh, me?" she says, "Oh, all my days are good days, man, you know, as long as I wake up in the morning, I'm doin' good, man........"

I made my purchase and fled back into the parking lot, only to nearly collide with the staring boy and girl I met when I first went into the store. He had evidently bought her one of the novelty lighters...The one that looked like a miniature "Coors" can. She was standing just in front of the gas pumps, swaying slowly to and fro, kind of staring at her prize as if she couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing. As I rushed to my car, I realized that the "mound" of goo I'd carefully tried to avoid was the remains of someone's half-eaten bar-b-que SOMETHING from Subway....YUCK! As I threw the car into reverse and backed out of the parking spot, I was reeling with a mixture of angst and rage! WHAT A WASTE! Is all I could think as I backed my way out of that parking space and onto the street.

I've always considered myself a caring person, almost to the point of sappiness. No matter how frustrated my peers would become with people or animals, I could always find some sympathy in my heart for the target of their pessimism. In earlier years, when I saw young people such as those in the convenience store, I would go so far as to blame their parents for the way they were "turning out", and feel sorrow for them because they were "never given a chance". Not anymore. Not after working over 21 years for an agency who attempts to give these people a chance, only to realize the efforts are for naught. I've come to believe that some people are born to lose. They seem to know it and accept it, even embrace it! And while it may be a fate allotted to them outside their control, I simply cannot abide a loser. Yes, young people will make mistakes - most will unavoidably learn from them. The people I'm talking about do NOT learn. They seem to be perfectly happy as losers and don't wish to ever change their position. THESE are the folks I simply can't abide. It's a difficult thing for me to accept, because I believe there is great potential in ALL people. But it's there and I have to accept it. And in some odd way, it makes me feel like a bit of a failure too, which is what, I suppose, makes me angriest of all.

I hope she learns someday how to work that lighter!

Random Thoughts of the Day...

2009-08-20T13:18:00.000-07:00

I received this in my email today. I don’t know who wrote it, but I was struck by some of the insight. This lists proves that indeed, the meandering thoughts we have and think no one else would ever POSSIBLY have are NOT as exclusively “strange” as we may have previously thought… I could very easily have written some of these myself!

*Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

*Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

*I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

*The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

*There is a great need for sarcasm font.

*Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.

*I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

*How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

*I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

*Was learning cursive really necessary?

*Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

*I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

*Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

*How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

*I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

*MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

*I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

*I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

*Bad decisions make good stories.

*Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

*If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

*Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

*You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

*Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

*There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

*I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

*"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

*I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?

*'While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.

*I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

*I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

*Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

*As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

*Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

*It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

*I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

*Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

*Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cellphone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

*My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

*It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

*I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

*I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

*I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

*The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

A Mother's Love

2009-08-08T12:18:00.000-07:00

The Perfect Storm is a piece written by my daughter Carly. It's an analogy of her life with her beautiful son Carson, who is struggling with a yet-to-be-diagnosed disorder. They are precious to me and are both in my daily prayers. I know they and their doctors, with God's help, will be victorious over this horrible thing that seems to have consumed them....

The Perfect Storm

We head out on the ocean in a brand new sailboat.

I'm not quite sure I know how but this ship appears to float.

We merrily coast along, Enjoying the pleasant swell.

But shortly into our trip, I realize all is not well.

I see the storm clouds approaching, and the boat begins to rock.

My companion is my son, and he tragically needs a dock.

Lightning strikes around us, And I call out for help.

Several boats arrive, And relief is what I felt.

But as they throw a life line to my son to leave our barge,

He falls into the mighty beast, and the surge around grows large.

He is pulled under water, with me watching on the dinghy.

I reach out for his hand, but the beast pulls back strongly.

He bobs in the water, and I call again, 'SOS'!

More barges come to help, but their life rings miss.

Their lines are not long enough to snatch him back from the roar.

I see the beast's evil smile as it grows wilder than before.

Finally, one ring reaches him and I sigh with gratitude and thanks.

And as they get him to the ship, He slips again and sinks.

As he rises again I see it, I see the fear in his eyes.

He goes down again and a piece of me dies.

As he rises and falls, the ocean overtakes him.

I go into a panic as I reach for him again.

Now my biggest fear has come and I see the hole in my boat.

I bail out water with a tea cup, But I still have my hope.

Watching him with my eyes and scooping with my arms.

I'm sinking slowly, now we are both at harm.

His eyes now mimic the beast as the sea overtakes him.

I yell and scream to him to stay, 'Don't let your spirit dim!''

You're stronger than the tyrant, Please don't let it win.

I know you inside and out - Carson, learn to swim!

He paddles his arms, And kicks his feet.

He stares at me and screams, 'Mom, I will not be beat!'

He's almost overtaken, And right as I think he's gone.

I get a look in his eyes, I sigh, 'there is my son'.

I scream and yell at the brute, 'You cannot have him ever!

I'll fight for him until I die, I'll fight for him forever!'

'You are no match for a Mother's Love, And you will never have victory.

I'll find your weakness you monster, And we will win, you'll see!'

-C.K.Wainright

Summer Meanders On...

2009-07-11T18:38:00.001-07:00

Well, we're into July already!! Around here, folks tend to put aside indoor activities and head outdoors to enjoy the warm weather. I've been no exception, and my blogging has suffered. However, we never know for sure how long summer will last in the mountains, so you head out as soon and as often as you can! So far, this year has been quite enjoyable...

We had wonderful weather for the 4th of July this year, and we took in all of the area's activities. We enjoyed a few parades -

And Oohed and Ahhh'd our community fireworks display!

Of course, summer isn't complete without a few good naps in the afternoon....

And we've enjoyed many a beautiful, sunny morning on our deck -

The petunias we planted in May have filled in the flower box very nicely....

Even the Hostas are thriving! One has even decided to try and "bloom"......(didn't know they did that!)

And the strawberries are beginning to overrun the house!

The best of summer is yet to come! We're FINALLY getting the boat ready for the season, and I am anxious to get out there on the water! That's IF the weather holds!!

Until next time, here's wishing everyone a wonderful summer!!

EXTRA!!

2009-06-09T17:54:00.000-07:00

This was the front page headline in today's paper. Further, this is the 1st paper of the week, which means that THIS story was the hottest thing that happened in the entire valley since last Sunday!! To top it off, Smokey was not hit by just any car - Smokey was hit by a SHERIFF'S VEHICLE! This should tell you something about how busy they were this weekend.

And that, folks, is why I love living here so much (my condolences to Smokey).

2009-06-04T19:58:00.001-07:00

Good Grief~I've definitely neglected this poor little blog! I have an excuse, however....I've really been very busy! For one thing, I discovered Facebook...Quite the adventure! I've found friends I hadn't talked to since high school as well as a favorite nephew I hadn't seen or spoken with in years! It's fun - a wonderful thing - but it also feels rowdy and raucous - like I imagine walking into a frat house on party night would be. It's kind of nice to get back here to my peaceful meanderings.

Let me catch you up on a few things that have happened since I last posted. Life has become much faster since spring has arrived.....

Mother's Day arrived and all 3 of my kids called to wish me a happy day. LOVED it!! And to top it off, my husband bought me a beautiful bouquet of spring flowers:

The following Tuesday, Josh and Tia sent me this beautiful bouquet of tulips for a Mother's Day surprise!
It was wonderful to realize that it was warming up enough for the neighborhood kids to camp out in their yard....Tents have gotten far more extravagant than they were when I camped outside my house as a kid!!Spring fever really hit me then, and I decided it was time to get outside and get our yards in shape after I saw that mother nature was beginning to do some decorating for me:

EVERYone helped out (except for Golly, who decided it was more important to make friends with the little girl dog on the other side of the fence).

With a little effort, the yards actually turned out quite well!

We were all worn out afterwards and decided to take a well deserved rest....

...And for the next two days, this little item was my favorite friend - I've spent many pleasurable hours scrapbooking for my grandbabies:

More scrapbooking......

...And even MORE scrapbooking!! (Of course my grandkids are so photogenic, the scrapbooks are growing to the size of a Funk & Wagnall's!)

I even FINALLY found a scrapbook I can personalize for Sophie! I was afraid I would NEVER be able to find one!So, you see? It's been a terribly busy place around here lately. In spite of it all, however, some things will always stay the same....

Brodie will be be the protector of the grounds....

And Goliath will be whatever he wants to be at a given moment....

Even if it means being a knick-knack on Muddah's living room end table!!

HAPPY DAY, EARTH!

2009-04-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

Today was Earth Day and I'm back on the road this week. My job requires that each of us 5 compliance officers cover a portion of the state. My area is all of North/North Central Idaho. Geographically, it's a huge area and this week I am visiting the North Central part, starting by traveling to Grangeville, which is 5 hours from my home office. It's a long trip, but a beautiful one. Here are a few photos I caught during my travels. Whoever started Earth Day just had to be inspired by this beautiful area....

This is close to home. I'm approaching an area referred to as the chain lakes. The entire trip entails traveling this 2 lane highway (and you thought they were extinct!) It can get pretty exciting, what with the random wildlife (or logging truck) jumping out in the road ahead of you. Amazingly, this highway IS THE road connecting North and South Idaho. Those of us who travel it regularly lovingly refer to it as the Goat Trail.

The chain lakes are exactly what they're called - a "chain" of lakes. The previous picture is near Rose Lake. This is a shot of Killarney Lake. Such a beautiful area!Here is the "city" of St. Maries. This is a logging town; of course, nowadays there isn't nearly as much logging as there was "back in the day"....

You simply can't leave St. Maries without throwin' a shout out to the Lumberjack!

This is Lake Chatcolet. If you look closely, you can see a bridge in the background. We cross that bridge on our bike trips as we pedal from Harrison to Plummer.

This is the town of Plummer, on the Coeur d'Alene Indian Reservation. As you can see, it's a big party town :). As you continue south, the mountains settle into the rolling hills of the Palouse. This was taken not far from Moscow - Home to the University of Idaho (go Vandals!). Just across the border the Cougars of Washington State lie in wait....(of a new basketball coach).I stopped to take this picture of Lewiston at the top of Lewiston hill. This steep and winding hill always provided excitement for a bus load of high school kids headed into town for a basketball game!

Here's a picture I took just south of Lewiston, approaching an area referred to as Lawyer's Canyon. Take a close look and you'll see a beautiful old train trestle nestled into the hillside.

I couldn't end this post without including a picture of "Earl", one of several beautiful pieces of art that greets me each time I check in to my motel here in Grangeville. The picture does not capture the true beauty of this piece. It is fashioned with some type of steel. When the light shines on it just right, the buffer swirls incorporated by the artist makes the piece appear to be 3-D. A truly talented artist! Good night, Earl, and good night, earth!

The Winds of WHAT???

2009-04-20T16:04:00.001-07:00

WHEW! Someone in our office brought in a can of air freshener for our restrooms. It's called "Winds of Springtime". It smells like a mixture of permanent hair solution and someone's stale cologne (NOT good!) If the person who came up with this scent believes it resembles the "winds of springtime", they must live in a very small town with a very large paper mill, or maybe they're stuck under somebody's armpit! It's sad....Very, very sad!

HAPPY TAX DEADLINE DAY!!

2009-04-15T14:07:00.000-07:00

WHAT'S NEXT?

2009-04-13T12:21:00.000-07:00

The Belgian Malnut laid down with the Jack Russell Terrorist!! What Next? Will the Lion lay down with the Lamb?

The Reluctant Photographer

2009-04-11T15:23:00.000-07:00

My husband Kelly is a wonderful photographer. My choice of title here is probaby not totally accurate, because photography has become quite a hobby of his. He's grown to love heading out to find spots pleasing to the eye. And he does have an eye for it! The reluctance comes from his hesitation to show any of his work. And it aggravates me no end! If I had a gift like his, I would be flaunting it EVERYWHERE. I'd probably side my house with my wonderful shots! Several people, strangers and friends alike, have asked if they could have copies of some of his work. He's also been asked to take family photos. His answer is usually "I'm not good enough yet." "I have to get some more practice." Well, I disagree, so I am going to share some recent photos he's taken. And I will continue to do so from time to time. He's not very happy with me, but those of you who know me know that THAT has never stopped me in the past :). And so, I give you.....Photos from the "Reluctant Photographer".....

Here are a few shots he got during a visit down around the Rose Lake area...

A robin comes bearing the promise of spring....

Some snow geese...As reluctant as winter to depart, it seems ~

Here's a shot that really intrigues me. It appears as though Monet captured this shot of a Mallard taking flight.....

Living in a valley surrounded by the Bitterroot Mountains, we don't often see spectacular sunsets. However, our skies do appear to catch fire on occasion....

A full moon on an early spring evening can be particularly beautiful in these old mountains....

And my children wonder why I am so vigorously rooted to this area......

...For Better or Worse (photography by my husband)

2009-04-11T11:40:00.000-07:00

According to Wikipedia, ospreys usually mate for life. Rarely, polyandry has been recorded. I believe Kelly has managed to capture one of these rare occasions. Read on and I'll show you why... Ah, the beauty of an Osprey. So majestic - So graceful. The Osprey (Pandion haliaetus), sometimes known as the sea hawk, is a diurnal, fish-eating bird of prey. It is a large raptor, reaching 60 centimeters (24 in) in length with a 1.8 metre (6 ft) wingspan. It is brown on the upperparts and predominantly greyish on the head and underparts, with a black eye patch and wings. This Osprey appears to be spreading his wings in an attempt to enjoy our recently spring-like weather.But wait! What have we here? This is no carefree Osprey out for a leisurely soar...Not at all! This is a hard-at-work female, building her nest in preparation for her soon-to-be family!

Hmmmm....It would appear that hubby is nowhere to be found at the moment.....

"Where IS he?" she wonders. "He KNOWS I needed him home this afternoon to guard our colorful siding from thieves!" "I'm ALWAYS the one who ends up doing ALL the work! Well, if he ever decides to wander back here, he's going to get a BIG piece of my mind; that's what HE'S going to get!"

Oh look, here's comes the happy wanderer now. "Ok....Lookin' good. Doesn't look like she's home yet. I'll just dive in, get settled and she'll never know the difference. Hee-hee-hee....I'm a pretty slick old bird."
"Yea...I got it made in the shade. I believe I have time for another quick soar around the block!"

"You've been cleared for landing, dude!" "Ahhh, Home Sweet Hom............"
BONZAI!!!! "YOU SORRY SON-OF-A-SEA-HAG!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU HERE? CAN YOU NOT DO ONE THING I ASK OF YOU? YOU SORRY SACK OF POND SCUM!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I SAW IN YOU!! MY MOTHER TOLD ME YOU'D NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING!!!"
"WHA....? WHERE....? FINE! I do NOT have to sit around and listen to this!! I'M OUTTA HERE!" The ostracized Osprey flew....and flew.....and flew.

Lap after lap he flew around their home.....
But each time he flew by their nest, she only turned her back at his pitiful attempts to apologize.

...Until he resigned himself to the fact that tonight, he would be sleeping on the guest wire.

It's "Brag About Your Kid Day"

2009-04-08T10:08:00.000-07:00

No, his name is not mentioned and no, it is not an article about him, but until YOUR son is pictured on the home page of NASCAR.COM, you cannot deny me bragging rights. (Sing the rest of this post to the tune of the "Neener-Neener Song) "HA-HA-HA-HUH-HA-HA...MY BABY'S HEADLINING ON NASCAR.COM, AND YOU-URS ISN'T - NEENER-NEENER-NEENER!" (He's gon-na kill me if he ever reads this po-ost).

2009-04-06T19:20:00.000-07:00

Spring

I'm shouting

I'm singing

I'm swinging through trees

I'm winging sky-high

With the buzzing black bees.

I'm the sun

I'm the moon

I'm the dew on the rose.

I'm a rabbit

Whose habit

Is twitching his nose.

I'm lively

I'm lovely

I'm kicking my heels.

I'm crying "Come dance"

To the freshwater eels.

I'm racing through meadows

Without any coat

I'm a gamboling lamb

I'm a light leaping goat

I'm a bud I'm a bloom

I'm a dove on the wing.

I'm running on rooftops

And welcoming spring!

Karla Kuskin

Where's YOUR Easter Bonnet?

2009-03-29T18:52:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, it's that time of year again. I was scanning the ads in today's Sunday paper and almost all of them featured adorable little girls in Easter hats. When I was an adorable little girl, my mother never let an Easter go by without my having an Easter hat. And I LOVED it! My only problem was that my mother insisted on cocking every hat she placed on my head to one side. She thought it was cute and "jaunty". I thought it was going to fall off at any minute! When I turned 4 or 5, she finally started letting me wear my Easter hat the way I wanted to...

Oops! Maybe not! This hat looks a little "cocked" to me, don't you think? I lovingly refer to this little number as my "upside down candy dish" hat. As you can see, I also had the matching coat and dress, along with the shoes (which you can't see here). Yes, I was quite the fashion plate as a child, and thank you for noticing!

As years went by, hats seemed to go the way of the late '50's/early 60's. At least they did as far as MY head was concerned. But I held a secret love for hats, and wished they would come back in style. When I was going to school, anyone who came in to class sporting jaunty head gear would have been laughed right back out again! Well, unless you had one of those cool, Twiggy kind of hats - Then you may have gotten away with it.

Hats are just cool things, you know? You can sometimes even tell where a person is from by the hat they're wearing! Well, not so much in this country anymore, but think about it....What country is known for this hat? France, yes! How about this? I would say Pakistan? Middle East? (New York cab driver?)

It would be nice if our country adopted hats again. I would suggest hat-wearing regions, since our country is so big. Let's see....what might I suggest ....????

This is my nomination for Region 1, which encompasses all of the northeast section of the U.S. (And I'm sorry, White Plains, New York and Vermont, that's what you get for living anywhere close to New York City. By the way, if you're from New York City, you have to hold onto the end of the feather ALL THE TIME, just like the model is doing....)

EVERYONE knows the young man modeling this stylish hat. He's cool, even if he WAS selling cigarettes and beer in this picture. And I think it goes without saying that this hat represents the Southeast Region of the U.S. SEE? People are already lining up to wear the official hat of their region!

Now I don't know if you can call the hurricane states a "region", but, they HAVE to have a hat. And here it is: WATCH OUT! CATEGORY 5 on woman's head! Film at 11!

The Southwestern Region includes (gulp) California! My nomination for this Region's hat is this stylish recycled number....For oh, so many reasons.... Again, SORRY to New Mexico and Arizona - YOUR penalty for living in the California region!

And now ladies and gentlemen, the Pacific and Inland Northwestern Region - Mostly a region of beautiful lush, green forests, and for good reason..... Here is the hat for the Northwest...

Yes, that's right...The RAIN hat, of course! Note the stylin' floppiness of the brim, allowing the pouring rain to run right off the hat and down onto your shoulders and chest. Oh so right when it's pouring rain with a wind chill of -10!

Finally, we have the Region of the GREAT WHITE NORTH, and by that, I mean ALASKA....

This is what I affectionately refer to as the Coyote Ugly Hat. Shot and designed by this state's governor, it's multi-functional and enjoyed equally by man and wife. Man's hat by day, lady's stole by night, and it's all fun and games until the thing gets wet...EWWWW! IS THAT A WET DOG I SMELL?? And you wonder why we stuck Alaska clear up where we stuck it!

We have several more worthy nominees, folks, but regrettably, we're out of time. I still say, however, that this is an idea that deserves more looking into.....

2009-03-26T16:22:00.001-07:00

Carson's 5th Birthday Bash! (Thanks for the collage, Carly!)

Of Satirists and Cynics....(and cabbages and kings)

2009-03-20T12:19:00.000-07:00

I've been blog-surfing lately (more like blog lurking (blurking?) and there are a lot of great blogs out there! There's a blog for just about every thing you could possibly imagine (which I'm sure you're aware of), but I think my favorites are those whose authors are cynics. Not caustics, mind you, but the WTF tongue-in-cheek folks who see something odd and are compelled to bring it to the attention of the rest of us.

There are a lot of people out there who hate cynics. They view them as mean or cruel. But I think that in fact, we all have a cynical streak in us. Don't tell me you've never at least rolled your eyes at something or someone you thought was silly or absurd beyond words! What I love about cynical blogs is the humor in them. A good cynic can make me laugh longer and louder than most comedians (with a few exceptions)! I think it's because I've secretly harbored the same view as the cynic, and was just never honest enough to bring it to attention for fear of "offending" someone!

Some of my favorite "cynically-themed" blogs are cynical only part of the time; most make it their primary theme. Visit this one and see if it doesn't make you smile... or this one....or maybe even this. If not one of them made you chuckle even a bit, remember this: Cynics force us to view things from a different perspective, which can lead to a broader understanding. And I think that's something the world could use right now, don't you?

From the Eyes and Heart of a Mother with a Difficult Child

2009-03-19T09:26:00.000-07:00

(The following is a blog written by my daughter, Carson's mom, with her permission, of course. It's a bit long, but please take the time to read it through. It will give you some insight, and hopefully, some compassion, for parents and children with challenges. I am just so very proud of my daughter for recognizing that there IS a challenge to be met, and for being courageous enough to seek help for him. It's a testament to her strength and love for her son.)

March 18, 2009 - Wednesday
Current mood: drained

I write this in the midst of one of Carson's episodes. He is 5 now and oh yes, we still have some serious tantrums. As I have written previously, we are in the process of identifying behavioral issues Carson struggles with. For every parent that has a child labeled difficult, my heart goes out to you. I know what it is like to have a child scream at the top of their lungs and throw toys to try to get your attention when they have done something wrong. Screaming such terrible things just to try to get a reaction. The attention that you have been told not to give him. He screams and stomps and yells. And though, repeatedly, I do not give him the attention that he is looking for by this negative behavior, we still go through the same stubborn routine. What triggers it and when is it going to happen? I never know. Anything will set it off. And it continues for a couple seconds sometimes, to literally an hour. There is nothing worse then when it happens in public or with family or friends around. I know anyone who does not or has not dealt with a child like this is thinking, there is no discipline, no boundaries, no rules. Take control of the situation, right? I thought that too before I had one. Even the therapists struggle with him. The most heart breaking thing of having a child with these types of issues is the sadness they feel. They honestly believe the whole world is against them. Carson has repeatedly told me and his therapists that 'God made him a bad boy'. Such a heart breaking thing to hear because he really is a good boy. When he is good, he is amazing. Unfortunately, there is something in him that causes him to act out the way he does. I have never told Carson he was bad. He tells himself he is bad because he knows he gets into trouble and he believes he can't control it. Carson is a very intelligent child (a majority of his problem) so he has deduced that if other kids who behave are told that they are being good, he must be the opposite, bad. Amazing enough, he is one of the most confident boys you will ever meet. His issues do not lie in the fact he doesn't believe in himself. They seem to lie in the fact that he is disappointed by everything and everyone around him. At this moment, he's frustrated with himself for not following directions when we were reading our nightly story and not being able to finish the story. In our house now, there are no warnings. He knows what is expected. If he doesn't do it, then it is done. No second chances. He is screaming at me that he wants a hug. Which is totally heart breaking because as I have learned in my counseling, if I give him a hug, it is actually reinforcing the negative behavior. I have told him 'calmly' that when he calms down and stops screaming at me, I will come in to say goodnight and give him a hug. He is literally screaming at me 'I am calmed down you stupid moron.' Shocking for a lot of people to hear, I know. It is for me too. And oh yes, hurtful. In my mind, I know it is all to get my attention and I must ignore it. My parents would say, go in there and smack his butt. Prior to this institution, I would have done that or gone in and yelled at him to not talk to me that way and this outburst would continue for literally hours because odd as it may sound, the presence of me going in their and rewarding him with even negative attention, is still attention. He is still getting his way and has control. The school is right that by not reacting, it does limit the number of outburst we have and does shorten the length of the battle. By sitting here and not saying anything but repeating a broken record, he does calm down faster and he will apologize after it is over. Staying calm for me is extremely difficult, as I do come from a family of yellers. I'm learning and certainly do have my extremely challenging periods, hence the reason for this blog. As a single mom, I don't have anyone to come in and take a round for me in the ring. So, I find something to occupy my mind to block it out while he takes the time needed to calm down, stop and think. It does not come naturally to Carson and unfortunately that piece is genetic. Carson will be beginning ADHD medication soon to identify if possibly hyperactivity is triggering his frustration. Unfortunately, there is no test that you can give a child to guarantee his issues are hyperactivity. Only that his issues indicate hyperactivity. I've been anti medication for a long time but we have literally gone through every non medicated treatment. I have agreed to give medicine a try for his sake. It must feel awful to get in trouble all the time and feel as angry, hurt and let down as he feels every day. Although his reactions and outburst do frustrate, embarrass, and hurt me, all I want is for my son to feel happy and learn to cope with disappointment. To know that he is as beautiful, smart, loving, charismatic and above all else GOOD, as I know him to be. ....For those other parents raising difficult children or even 'normal' children going through a difficult time, hang in there. It will pass. Just put in your mind the wonderful, happy, smiley times that you and your child(ren) have together and above all else, don't take it personally. The battle is within them as they grow and learn. You are just here to guide and teach them and hope that, in the end, they are well adjusted and happy. They will be as long as you don't give up. I'm not and never will. ....FYI, Carson calmed down shortly after the stupid moron comment and at 9:17 pm (after a hug and a kiss) is fast asleep. As will I be shortly.

2009-03-18T11:41:00.000-07:00

Inland Empire Girl recently posted a blog with a meme about books. She got it from the Peacock Blue blog. When I saw it, I knew I just had to give it a shot, so here goes. Mind you, my interests run in spurts. I am not currently in a reading spurt, and haven't been for awhile now. I really enjoy reading, so I'm hoping my reading spurt will spring to life again soon! Since IEG gave an open invitation to everyone to try this meme, I will do the same. And if you DO try it out, let me know! I'd like to read your list!

Four Childhood Books I've read:

1. Hans Brinker or The Silver Skates by Mary Mapes Dodge
2. Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
3. Charlotte's Web by E.B. White
4. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

Four “So-Called Classic” books read and never forgotten:

1. An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser

2. Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe by Charles Dickens
3. To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
4. The Good Earth by Pearl S Buck

Four personal modern “Classic Novels”:

1. Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt (whoops, not a novel!)
2. The Miracle of the Bells by Russell Janney
3. Schindler's Ark by Thomas Keneally
4. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

Four authors I've read again and again:

1. Lisa Scottoline
2. John Grisham
3. Gregg Olsen
4. John Steinbeck

Four authors or books I'll never read again... ever:

Believe it or not, I can't think of one!! (I KNOW!! Surprised me too!)

Four books on my “To-be-read-list":

1. The Guggenheims by Irwin and Debi Unger
2. The Summons by John Grisham
3. Feeling Good by David D Burns, M.D.
4. THE LAST LECTURE, by Randy Pausch with Jeffrey Zaslow

Three Non-Fiction Books and One Fiction book I’d take to a desert island:

1. The Bible
2. War & Peace by Leo Tolstoy (when else would I have time to read it??)
3. Letter to my Daughter by Maya Angelou
4. A Short History of the World by H.G. Wells

Four Book recommendations I have followed (and loved):

1. Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
2. The Deep Dark by Gregg Olsen
3. Sources of the River by Jack Nisbet
4. My First 90 Years by Hap Murphy

The last lines of one of my favorite books:

"Her darling boy. The light and color of her declining years. She must be kind to him, more liberal with him not restrain him too much, as maybe, maybe, she had---She looked affectionately and yet a little vacantly after him as he ran. "For his sake."
The small company, minus Russell, entered the yellow, unprepossessing door and disappeared."

An American Tragedy - Theodore Dreiser

HAPPY ST. PADDY'S DAY!

2009-03-17T08:24:00.000-07:00

Lullaby

2009-03-11T19:57:00.000-07:00

(Originally written in 2007)

My first child was born when I was very young. He had his days and nights turned around at a time in my life when I only wanted to SLEEP! Here is a lullaby I sang to him, handed down to me by my Grandma Hodges. I love it to this day:

I know why you're crying, I know why you're blue,
Someone took your kiddie car away,
You'd better go to sleep now...Little man, you've had a busy day.
You've been playing army, the battle has been won...The enemy is out of site,
Come on little general, put away your gun, The war is over for tonight.....
Time to stop your scheming, time your day was through...can't you hear the bugle softly play,
You'd better go to sleep now, little man you've had a busy day....

My son has children of his own now, and he STILL keeps pretty late nights, whether he needs to or not!

I guess lullabies aren't all they're cracked up to be!!

2009-03-05T19:26:00.000-08:00

My life has been a tapestry

Of rich and royal hue,

An everlasting vision

Of the everchanging view ~

A wondrous woven magic

In bits of blue and gold

A tapestry to feel and see,

Impossible to hold........

From Tapestry, by Carole King

2009-03-04T18:53:00.000-08:00

Have you ever talked to a person regularly on the telephone but never actually met them in person? I mean, you talk to them several times and have even struck up a bit of a relationship with this faceless voice, but if you passed them on the street you wouldn't know them from Adam.
Well, being a "Boise out-stationed employee" for the State government, I experience this on a fairly regular basis. Over time, I tend to form an image of these people in my mind, based solely on how their voices sound. When I finally meet these people face-to-face, I'm often shocked at how far off my imaginings are! I realized recently that I've done this with my dogs in reverse! I've developed an idea in my mind of what my dogs' voices would sound like, if they could actually talk, based on the way they LOOK!

I love my dogs. No, I REALLY love my dogs. Always have. I've always had dogs, and I've loved each and every one of them. My current two, Brodie and Goliath, are about as opposite as night and day....

Brodie is a 13 year old Belgian Malinois. Goliath is 2 year old chihuahua/terrier mix. I spend a good deal of time with them and as a result, think I know their personalities pretty well.
Brodie has always been a bit of a fool. Malnut that he is, he took out 2 screen doors as a "child". Went right through them, no problem. He's eaten Christmas tree lights, swallowed camera film and made a snack of the remote control, batteries and all. He dove through my bedroom window. And he's LIVED to tell about it. He's older now, so he's not quite as wild and crazy as he was in his youth. But I'll tell ya, he still enjoys a nice wad of toilet paper if he can get his mouth around it! Goliath, on the other hand, is just a cute little thing, with a face that will remain puppy-like forever. He is very submissive and sweet.

I talk to my dogs. And, I talk FOR them. My Brodie voice sounds like a slow 4 year old with a lisp. My Goliath voice just sounds like a proud mother talking to her baby (hence the term "baby talk"). You can imagine it. It's the kind of sickeningly sweet yammer that makes the hair stand up on the back of your neck. The person talking is trying to SOUND like the baby LOOKS. And so it is with my dogs and me.

One day, I was talking to Brodie (and "he" was answering me), and something about the look on his face said "That is SOOO NOT what I sound like!" And so I tried to envision Brodie's persona- I have a sneaking suspicion that this is it:

Yes, in spite of all the havoc-wreaking he's done in his life, if Brodie found his voice, he would speak with a very controlled British accent. If he dressed, it would be in a 3 piece suit with a buttoned down collar. He would have a MENSA vocabulary, and would brag about the fact that he was once tenured at the most prestigious canine university in the United States. He would tell me that he's been very resentful of the voice I've saddled him with. He would tell me that I have the mind of a slow 4 year old with a lisp.

Baby-talking Goliath on the other hand, would have a whole different persona. And here it is:

If Golly was a talking dog, he'd sound like George Burns with a Joizy accent. He'd be a walkin', talkin' tough guy who always wore a tee shirt with a pack of cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve. Males would fear him. Females would adore him. He would always have a poodle in diamonds at his side. He would be the model for whichever artist painted the picture of the pinochle-playing dogs (on velvet).

So folks, we must all remember - Don't judge a book by its cover, don't judge a person by their appearance, and never, NEVER judge a dog by the voice its "mommy" gave it!

YOU MIGHT BE A SOUTHERN SNOWMAN IF.....

2009-03-03T12:36:00.001-08:00

My oldest son Rick and his wife Jen live with their 2 girls, Maris and Sophie, in Salisbury, North Carolina, just outside of Charlotte. It's rare that this area gets snow, but the night before last, snow it did ! and Maris took advantage of it to build her first snowman with daddy.......

Pretty handsome dude, is he not? I learned a few new things about snowmen from the south.....

They have celery stalks for noses instead of carrots!! And blueberries for eyes and mouth!

They have big gold buttons (or are those Reece's little peanut butter cups?) and no arms!! And of course, they wear NASCAR-related baseball caps (this one sports a Toyota Camry hat, which maw-maw is especially partial to). But most off all, THIS one has the cutest little 4 year old girl on earth giving him a hug and a kiss. What snowman could ask for anything more??

They also have daddys at the ready with replacement eyes or lips, as the case may be.

Southern snowmen may have short lives, but they're good ones while they last!

I'M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!

2009-03-02T12:31:00.000-08:00

My daughter and grandson set out Saturday for a vacation to DisneyWorld to celebrate Carson's 5th birthday. First stop was a trip to a lighthouse, because Carson LOVES lighthouses. Have you ever seen a kid more excited??

Don't take your eyes off that lighthouse!!

We're here, we're FINALLY here!!

CRAZY Bliss!

Oh, to be 5 and on my way Disney World!! (I can't WAIT to see his face when they go to Cape Canaveral for the rocket launch!)

A Frustrated Subject

2009-03-01T15:12:00.000-08:00

My husband Kelly is an awesome photographer. He's made it a real hobby and he has an eye for scenery that is just amazing. However, when he finds something he wants to capture, he tends to take several pictures of the same thing, just to make sure he gets a least one 'keeper'. And so it is when he finds a living subject. His brother, sisters, nephews and nieces have been his target on more than one occasion, and before he's finished, he sometimes has some pretty disgruntled relatives! It's usually worth it in the end though. He does take some great pictures.

It follows that when we got Goliath last week, Kelly's camera went into overdrive. At first, Goliath didn't seem to mind....

After a few days, however, you could see that Goliath was getting tired of being daddy's poster boy. He was subtle at first - running off when Kelly pointed the lens, or barking at Kelly when the camera came out. At the end of the week, though, I think he really got his point across. Kelly was leaving on another quest for photos when he turned around, and lo and behold, he saw this:

Kelly was captivated by such a little dog jumping up on our window sill to watch the world go by, so he snapped another:Whoops, too much window reflection. Let's try it again....

Do you sense a little aggravation building on Goliath's face? Kelly didn't and he just kept on clickin'. Little Golli finally got his point across.....

Kelly hasn't tried to take his picture since!

Disgruntled Customer

2009-02-28T15:46:00.000-08:00

I have been a TV cable customer of yours since before you owned the company, and I have NEVER, to my knowledge, been late with a monthly payment. I began paying my bill online last summer sometime and never had a problem with it until NOW. On February 8, I paid my bill online as usual, but evidently accidentally entered a wrong number for my bank account. Because of this, I was notified on February 25, 2009, by telephone, that I was in jeopardy of losing service! NO inquiries, no prior notification from you that there was a problem. On February 26, 2009, we hand-walked a check into your local office, in the amount of $98.00, to cover the cost of the monthly payment of $73.23, plus a $25.00 fee for the mistake. Now today, TWO days later, I get notification that I owe you money again and that it is due ON RECEIPT! I would accept this as a matter of "the bill was issued before we received your payment, tee-hee, just ignore this", but this time, I think not! I can swallow my pride, accept my mistake and move on, but I am NOT going to make amends by paying you EVERY TWO DAYS!

One month ago, ONLY AFTER MY HUSBAND'S INQUIRY, we discovered that we had been OVERPAYING for services by not bundling! NO one ever made us aware that this was an option. We've had internet and TV through you since the company was USA MEDIA(CHECK MY EMAIL ADDRESS). HOW ABOUT A LITTLE CUSTOMER SERVICE, PEOPLE? We have been loyal customers, even after several of our neighbors went to satellite service due to the lousy reception we get from you. When we FINALLY learned of this option (only after my husband inquired as to why our bill kept increasing), we were given a credit, making Feb's amount $73.23, which is the amount I paid on Feb 8th, EIGHT DAYS BEFORE IT WAS DUE. Given the fact that I've been a customer from the time you offered 3 channels and a test pattern, when the error I made was discovered, COULD ONE OF YOU FINE FOLKS NOT HAVE CALLED OR EMAILED ME TO LET ME KNOW OF MY ERROR, GIVING ME THE CHANCE TO CORRECT IT? Instead, I get a phone call saying I'M GOING TO HAVE MY SERVICE INTERRUPTED unless I pay up right away, AND NOT JUST THE PAYMENT AMOUNT, BUT ALSO A $25.00 fee for a simple entering error I made while paying my bill online, effectively erasing the "credit" we were to receive for bundling our services (how convenient!). And do NOT suggest to me that signing up for automatic bill pay would have alleviated this problem. I do NOT trust your business enough to allow you to automatically withdraw money from my bank account!

By the way, thanks to your "quality" service, I had to watch the Super Bowl via a live feed from CANADA!! You may be interested in learning that Canadians evidently aren’t entertained by SUPER BOWL COMMERCIALS, and as a result, we didn't get to watch them either (so much for the damn 3D glasses!) If you're going to use the excuse that Canada's feed got in there for some unknown reason, HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO TRUST YOU WITH OUR INTERNET SERVICES? For all I know, someone's hacking into my computer as I write this!
Have you noticed yet that I a currently COMPLETELY DISSATISFIED WITH YOUR SERVICE?
In summary, I will pay my cable bill WHEN IT BECOMES DUE ON THE 16TH OF THE MONTH. As far as your current bill to me in the amount of $189.00, well, you know what you can do with THAT. Finally, if you cannot show me some better reception and CUSTOMER SERVICE instead of making me feel like a scam artist as a result of an innocent mistake, I will take my business elsewhere, just as several of my friends and neighbors have already done. By the way, you really should let the folks in your Osburn office run your business for you. It is evident that THEY care a little bit more about having our business than you do!

Have a nice day!

My Baby Girl

2009-02-27T09:07:00.000-08:00

(Another meandering from the past...)

Let me tell you something about the birth of my daughter: When I discovered I was pregnant with her, my first thought was "I'm starting all over again". I had 2 sweet boys, and had just gotten my 2nd son out of diapers. I wasn't sure I was up to the challenge, but I was excited about having another child. I REALLY, REALLY hoped that I would have a girl. In 1978, pregnancy had not yet become so clinical - We didn't know the sex of our babies until they were born, unless there was some kind of problem. I wanted a girl so badly that I became very superstitious. I refused to buy anything "girly", for fear I would "jinx" the chance of having a girl. Girls didn't exactly run in my family! The day finally arrived when she was born. It was SOOO different than the boys. The doctors kept insisting I was not in labor. Well, it sure felt like labor, but I trusted doctors to know what they're doing, so I just layed there, reading my book "The Endless Steppe". And it wasn't until the night nurse came in and checked me that I knew I wasn't having phantom pains..."you're going to have that baby in this bed!", she said. And then, she was born....Black hair (that immediately went away), the bluest blue eyes....And a GIRL! I was in heaven! I couldn't believe it was true! And boy, did I want a cheeseburger!! My husband came in and with a smirk said, "You always get your way, don't you?" He thought it might be fun to have "My 3 sons", but HA-HA-HA! I had my baby girl! And all was right with the world! On August 1st, a Tuesday night, 7pm, my life changed forever. My best friend, my buddy had been born! Evidently, her father came to grips with the fact that she was a girl, or else he was just giving me grief about "My 3 Sons", because the day we brought her home, he went straight to town and bought almost every baby dress he could get his hands on! And there were some adorable dresses, too! And thus began the life of my daughter. My precious, sweet, punkin heart. She's grown now, with a sweet little child of her own, but those 1st moments are ones I'll cherish forever!

Goliath!

2009-02-23T21:07:00.000-08:00

Meet the newest member of the family!

We just got Goliath tonight. He's the cutest little thing you ever saw. You may think he's a puppy, but he's 2 years old! So far, he and Brodie seem to be getting along fine. Goliath is part chihuahua and part Jack Russell terrier (don't ask me - I don't know!). Brodie is Kelly's boy, but Goliath is going to be muddah's baby. I love him already!!

And The Winner Is...

2009-02-23T11:29:00.001-08:00

Well, we have another year of the Oscars under our belts. I think the entertainment industry pats themselves on the back more than any other workers on the planet! We have the Emmys, the Grammy's, the Tony's, the People's Choice Awards, the Golden Globes....and I could go on! Wouldn't it be nice if there were an awards show for the common working person? What if we had an Oscar equivalent for those folks who quietly trundle off to work each day and never receive recognition for the fine services they perform? I'm talking about the your normal, average, everyday Joe. The local grocery store checker, fast food workers over the age of 30, landscapers, ditch diggers, sewer workers, for heaven sake!

I think the statuette would bear the likeness of oh, say.....Rosie the Riveter!

Yes! (I think the brown bag lunch sandwich stuck in her hand gives her a true "average working person" image, don't you?) There would be several categories to represent all the different trades - One for Plumbers, Electricians, Beauticians, Builders, loggers, miners, and such. Nominations would come from co-workers and would be forwarded to Price Waterhouse (or whoever it is that guards the results) for tallying. Nominations would have to be based on some outstanding thing the worker did, for instance: "I am writing this to nominate my co-worker, Joe Jones. Joe is truly outstanding in the field of knot-knocking. He holds the record here at XYZ Logging for knocking more knots in one day than anyone else in the company. He goes about his task with unrivaled enthusiasm and is an inspiration to all of us less-tenured knot-knocking folks".

The awards would be presented once a year on Labor Day. The AFL-CIO and other labor organizations would sponsor the entire program. We could hold it in a huge bar, like Gilly's. We would have a red-carpeted runway, just as they do at the Oscars. All of the nominees would arrive and walk the red carpet. It would be a huge media event. Reporters would stop the nominees as they slowly made their way in to the building... "Bob, I've just received word that Joe Smith has arrived....Mr. Smith! Mr. Smith, can you talk to us for a moment? You are up for an award in the category of best Honey Bucket Hauler of the Year. Can you tell us how you're feeling this evening?" "Why sure, Jennifer. I'm very humbled and excited to be nominated this year in a category with many other fine performers. 2008 WAS an Olympic year, you know!" "Well thank you Joe, for your comments and by the way, who are you wearing this evening?" "Jennifer, I'm wearing my favorite designer, CARHART. Their fashions are so versatile - durable and yet attractive enough to wear to this prestigious event". "Well Joe, you look wonderful...Have a good time tonight!" "I plan to, Jennifer...I'm going to check out that bull!"

Once the nominees have entered the facility, the program would begin. It would start with a video on the big screen, featuring a wide variety of trades and professions with workers actively carrying out their tasks. The orchestra would play an inspiring medley of labor tunes, including "Workin' 9 to 5, Workin' In A Coal Mine", "I've Been Workin' on the Railroad", and "Workin' My Way Back to You, Babe. Professional dancers, costumed as representative workers, would bounce their way around stage. And then the awards would get underway, televised via satellite to all the nations of the world....

"And the Rosie for Best Dishwasher in a Privately-Owned Restaurant goes to...."

The top prize of the evening would be "Outstanding Worker of the Year" and would be given to the worker whose performance at their job outshone all of the other workers in all the other fields of endeavor. Not only would this deserving individual win the "Rosie" for best performance, they would also be awarded with a 1 year sabbatical from work, with pay! Or, in the present economy, they would be awarded A JOB in their own chosen field. What drama! What excitement! I can hear the job interviews now....

"I see here that you were nominated for a Rosie in 2009." "Yes sir." "For what category?" "Best supporting mucker in a privately-owned mine". "Well Johnson, say no more! Welcome to the company!"

The whole production would end with a moving rendition of "Look for the Union Label". The best part of this whole thing would be that no one would have to leave to attend the parties. THE party would be right there at Gilly's, and what a party it would be!

Yep, it's quite a concept, and one I believe deserves more looking into.

The "Crapfty" Crocheter

2009-02-20T19:04:00.000-08:00

I've neglected my blog a lot lately. I know you've noticed. I've been busy completing another project.

I am not a crocheter, but for some reason when a baby comes along, my crochet craving kicks in big time! When I was pregnant with Josh, I was certain he was going to be a girl, so I decided to crochet him a dress. Mind you, I had never crocheted a thing in my life, but I was going to crochet him a dress anyway! So, I got a couple of "teach yourself to crochet" books, picked out a pattern I liked, got some soft pink baby yarn, scarfed a couple of my grandma's crochet needles, and began to crochet. It was quite an undertaking. The dress itself consisted primarily of a kind of shell stitch. I was surprised at how quickly I picked it up. Before I knew it, little Joshie had a beautiful, little pink dress! Of course, when he was born and I learned I had a boy, the dress was immediately relegated to the back of my closet. Once in a great while I'd drag it out to show a friend. Sometimes I just pulled it out to look at when I needed an ego boost. Although I had 2 boys, I clung to that dress and drug it all over the world with me. I was so proud of that dress! I don't have a picture of it, but it looked like this:

With 2 little boys to care for, my crochet time pretty much disappeared, and I really wasn't motivated to crochet a pair of tuffskins for my boys. When my little girl arrived, I spent more time sewing her dresses (I decided that my little girl could not grow up without having an aproned pinafore). The crocheting definitely went by the wayside.

Thirty two years passed by with nary a stitch crocheted by me. Then I learned that my daughter AND my daughter-in-law were pregnant and BANG! - The crochet bug hit me again! I decided that I would crochet each of my forthcoming grandchildren an heirloom afghan, and crochet them I did! A blue one for Carson and a white one for Maris (because we didn't know whether Maris would be Maris or Gehrig until she was born). Again the hooks came out and I enjoyed constructing the blankets for the babies. And they came out pretty darn good, thank you!

Nearly 5 years passed. The crochet needles were getting dusty! And then, it happened! YAY!! Sweet little Sophie was born! It didn't occur to me at first to crochet a blanket for Sophie. She was so tiny when she was born, I thought I'd wait awhile before I bought her any clothes. And then it hit me! Good grief! How could I NOT bless my new little grand-Sticks (her nickname - READ MY BLOG!! KEEP UP!!) with one of my priceless afghans?? Why, when she gets a little older, she'll think her maw-maw didn't love her enough to crochet her a blanky of her own!! So, I set out to find a beautiful, one-of-a-kind afghan to crochet for Sophie. Of course, she's already here, but with my fine skills and natural talent, I could whip it out in no time!

I found a pattern I thought was perfect. It had little hearts all the way around it, and in the middle, it was PERSONALIZED with her own little name. I bought the yarn and dove right in. Now mind you, I had never crocheted with 2 different colors before, but again, with my God-given ability to crochet these masterpieces, I was certain I could do it. And I finished the border in record time! But the personalized mat?? Now THAT was a different matter. I stitched and ripped that thing out no less than 3 times!! And learning to crochet with 2 colors?? FORGET IT!! This stinks! You can't imagine how many nights I spent on the internet, searching for instructions on crocheting with 2 colors of yarn!! And when I did find the instructions, I could not seem to fathom what they meant! How do you get the name all on one side?? Aren't you going to have hanging threads or knots or SOMETHING hanging out all over the place?? I even took it to work to ask a crocheting co-worker what crocheter from HELL invented this technique!! Finally, I found some instructions I could actually follow - I think I found them on the "teach your 4 -year-old to crochet" website. Anyway, I finally got it done. And so here it is.....the finished MASTERPIECE -

wow. In my defense, the 'S' looks more like an 'S' in real life than it does in this picture! Trust me!! But this picture is evidence that my "natural" crocheting talent evidently walked out the door with my youth! Nobody told me that my wonderful crocheting talent would be lost with menopause...Funny, too, because most women come into their greatest crocheting years after they become grandmas. I mean, look at that inner border! I must have gone into overdrive up there in the top right corner. There are like 5 extra rows of stitches right there! And midway down the left side of the border....What, is the blanket HEALING itself??

Oh well, I'll still box it up and mail it to Sophie, such as it is. Hopefully, she'll see the love and effort that went into the making of her blanket and not the imperfection! And by the way, I am NOT letting this crocheting thing get the better of me!! Oh, no! I'm going to keep on crocheting until my afghans come out looking as beautiful and perfect as that little dress I crocheted all those years ago. So MAMAS, HIDE YOUR BABIES!! I'm starting an angel afghan as we speak!

Maris, Say Cheese!!

2009-02-19T10:40:00.000-08:00

This is a video my son took of my granddaughter Maris some time ago. It has always been one of my favorites. I don't know what's funnier - Her little face or her daddy's laughter! Take a look...

An Unannounced Trip in the Wayback Machine

2009-02-09T11:01:00.001-08:00

There I was in deep thought, writing a determination after completing an in-depth investigation of a wage dispute. Just as I was entering the Conclusions of Law, it happened. It started slowly at first, back in the deep dark recesses of my cultured mind. I don't think I was wholly aware of it when it started, but it persisted until I realized it was there. "Da-dum-dum, Da-dum-dum, Da-dum-dum, Da-dum-dum, da-dum-dum-dum-duh, da-dummmm". What is that? It's familiar, and yet...I just can't place it! Before I knew it, I was following the song through my head....."Da-dum-dum, Da-dum-dum, Da-dum-dum, Da-dum-dum....THE MILTON THE MONSTER SHOW!??? WHAAAA???? What the.....? It was actually rather startling - Was it really the tune to the Milton the Monster Show?? I got up from my desk, walked to the back of the office and out the door. Clearly aware of it now, I sang it again in my head...Yes, it was indeed the theme song of Milton the Monster! What the heck?? WHY would THAT song come floating through the memory banks of my mind and into my front line of thought while I was attempting to retrieve a section of State code? Another case of my right-brain, butting-in and taking over again! Another instance of the Id taking over the Ego. I had no choice but to go with it.... (If your in the mood for a little brain-tarnishing, be my guest!)

I was quite the connoisseur of cartoons when I was a kid. Milton the Monster was NOT one of my favorites. Why didn't the theme to Beanie and Cecil, Deputy Dawg or my all-time favorite, Bullwinkle and Rocky, filter back? I began to ponder this strange occurrence, and before I knew it, I was on a spree of remembrance.

Remember Felix the Cat? He was a wonderful, wonderful cat. Whenever he'd get in a fix, he'd reach right into his bag of tricks. The song promised that you'd laugh so hard, your sides would ache, your heart would go pitter-pat, watching Felix, the wonderful cat. I thought they were saying you'd laugh so hard so sides would ache, your heart would go flim-a-flam. What's the use of watching a cartoon if your heart didn't go flim-a-flam? I figured my heart was already going pitter-pat. I wanted action! I wanted adventure! I wanted that bag of tricks, I can tell you that!

Another cartoon show I loved when I was little was The Dick Tracy Show. It came on just as I got home from school in the 2nd grade. The intro was fast-moving and action packed. In one sequence, it showed Dick screaming around a corner in his squad car. The criminal in the back peered out the window and his eyes grew to big, pulsing saucers as Dick made the turn. I felt for that guy, as there were several occasions at that age when my eyes did that as I was riding through town with my teenage brother. It happened to me again when I was riding with my son Josh as he was learning to drive (not to mention my heart going flim-a-flam!)

The show had a great group of criminals, such as Prune Face and Itchy, Flat-Top and B-B Eyes, and Mumbles. Dick also had his colleagues, including Joe Jitzu, Hemlock Holmes and Heap O'Calorie. Although Dick Tracy was often pre-empted by American Bandstand when my brother got home from school, I still enjoyed watching every snippet I could. That was one cool show...

Sometimes, the best cartoons did not garner top billing in a show. Mr. Peabody and his boy, Sherman, are a great example. They sometimes appeared as part of the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. In this cartoon, Peabody was a dog who wore big round glasses and talked like a professor. He also had a boy named Sherman, which for some odd reason seemed perfectly acceptable to me at the time. Peabody invented a "wayback" machine that he and Sherman would use to travel back in time to witness various historical events. Each time, however, they would discover that things didn't happen the way they were supposed to (such as Paul Revere not being able to make his ride due to only having a statue for a horse instead of a real one), and would subsequently wind up working to fix whatever the problem was (using Peabody's great intellect to do so), so that history would be accurate. Sherman would sometimes make a very stupid pun at the end of the show, thus confirming the intellectual superiority of the dog.

Fractured Fairytales was another "also-ran" on the Bullwinkle Show. I don't feel the need to go into detail here. For most "boomers", that cartoon stands out as one of our all-time favorites. Even the intro song was classic!

But what about the old standards? In my mind, these included Huckleberry Hound, Popeye, Mickey Mouse cartoons and the other Disney classics. But how about Auggie Doggy and Doggy Daddy? Heckle and Jeckel - class clowns of crows? Tom and Jerry, Mighty Mouse, Bugs Bunny or Woody Woodpecker! There was Yogi Bear and Boo-boo, Top Cat, Lippy the Lion and Hardy-har-har. And Road Runner! Are you kidding me?? That was a brilliant cartoon!

I could (and have) gone on for days about old, classic cartoons. The authors must have been frustrated comedy writers whose stuff was a little too sophisticated for Dick VanDyke Show. Anyway, I loved their stuff and wish I had their creative minds! And I realize as I am writing this that I must have watched Milton the Monster with the hope of seeing Fearless Fly. As lame as that Gomer-talking Milton was, Fearless made the show worth watching! With that, I'll bring this post to a close. I still don't know why that song dug its way out to the light of day, but it led to a pleasant trip down memory lane. I did manage to finish the Determination, too! With that, I guess I only have one thing to say.......

JACK ATTACK!!

2009-02-08T11:04:00.000-08:00

You know, I really don't mind winter. It's just that it's a season that overstays its welcome. Winter is welcome at my house from Thanksgiving Day until January 1st. At that point, it should take its leave and head back to the North Pole with Rudolph, Frosty the Snowman and Santa.

The tree pictured above sits outside of my office. This is evidence, strangely beautiful as it is, that Jack Frost is rabid. That, or out of winter boredom, he's gone all Andy Warhol on us. I've seen a good, thick frost before, but this is malicious!! Those long, spiky crystals make that sweet little tree look like it's been taken over by a hoard of wooly caterpillars! It's fascinating and beautiful, but let's get on with it! I'm ready for a spring thaw!!

Meet "Sticks"

2009-02-04T18:36:00.001-08:00

Yesterday. my sweet, new little granddaughter Sophie turned 1 month old. She is still very tiny and she still sleeps a lot, but as you can see, she took time during her nap to send a little smile to her maw-maw.

She got off to a rocky start. Probably because she was a month early, she became a little jaundiced and had to spend some time in the "tanning bed", as her dad called it. It wasn't long though before she was off and running, and now she's learning all about the joy of livin'!

She caught on right away to relaxin' with daddy on the couch!

She and mama enjoy spending time during the day just visiting and letting big sister Maris practice her picture-taking skills...

Of course, that's when Maris isn't spending time perfecting her championship bowling skills!

She always has time to do a little clowning with her daddy, though......

Sophie has acquired a nickname - "Sticks"... Or, as I've been told, "Twigs", when sister Maris can't remember exactly what it is. I was not thrilled with the nickname at first. Sophie is such a beautiful name and it fits her so well. Sticks sounds more like a name for a back-room pool hustler. She came by it honestly enough; her baby legs are so small and thin, they look like a couple of little sticks.

The more I think about the name though, the more I like it. You can't think of her and say it without smiling! Right now, we're all wondering if the name will 'stick'. I wonder what she'll think of it when she gets older? Can you imagine? First day of school, her teacher smiles and asks "And what is your name?" to which she replies, "Sticks - And don't you forget it!"

More Past Meanderings....

2009-01-30T18:16:00.000-08:00

Here's another post from my old blog....It was actually labeled "mature" by the blogsite, so if you wanted to read it, you had to get some sort of combination from somewhere to open it. So now, here it is, EVERY SAUCY AND UNCENSORED BIT OF IT, MAN! READ WITH CAUTION!!!

Jul 17th, 2007
PUT YOUR PANTS ON!!
It's summer. It's hot. I've been through many hot, dry summers. In the distant past, it was never a problem. Wear a shirt to bed - that's enough! A tee shirt was good and helped ensure a good night's sleep.

Suddenly, during my 52nd year, it's not so easy anymore. Oh, the tee shirt in bed is fine....Walking around OUT of the bed is the problem. Suddenly, I don't feel comfortable running out on the porch to get the paper in the morning! Hell, I don't feel comfortable walking through the HOUSE in the morning!! So now when I get up, the search immediately begins for something "presentable" to wear.

When did the knees start sagging? When did the butt start hitting the back of the knees? And WHY DO I CARE?? I care because I can remember a time, long, long ago. The time was 1969. Just a few years after "The Summer of Love", when all at once, women everywhere decided it was just fine to burn their bras and run outside in a tee shirt, feeling all sexy and free, when in fact, all many of them did was demonstrate Newton's law of gravity!! The really scary thing was that some of those women were old enough to be our mothers!! YIKES!! I vowed to myself then that I WOULD NEVER DO THAT WHEN I TURNED 50!!! No matter how great I look to myself, I WILL NOT RUN NAKED IN THE STREET. I've been there and done that (well, figuratively speaking). And now it's time for me to allow my "little sisters" to take over for me.

YOU GO GIRLS!! AND DON'T MAKE ME COME OUT THERE!!!

Identity Crisis?

2009-01-29T12:48:00.000-08:00

I am in the process of moving some posts from my old blogsite to this one. Here is one of my very first "meanderings"....

You know, I've wanted to "blog" since I first heard the word. I thought about it - all the life experiences I've had and how I could record them in a blog. At first I found a private blog site, because Lord forbid someone read my thoughts! I signed up, but never got the gumption to actually write. Recently, I discovered that several of my old friends from high school were "blogging" on a regular basis. I visited their sites and was totally captivated. They all seem so carefully organized, with pictures accompanying each message. Profound quotes sprinkled throughout the blogsite. Pure inspiration. "I can do that", I told myself. "I've reached an age where I can put my thoughts on paper in an organized, entertaining manner". And I WANT to do that!

And so, I found this blogsite and signed up. And I immediately realized that I may not, in fact, be ready to create a blog. First thing, I'm asked to select a symbol that bests describes me. Well, let's see... Certainly not a picture of myself!! No, let's pick something more anonymous to start....Let's see....Ocean waves breaking on a pristine shoreline? Nooo, although I do dearly love the ocean. An eagle soaring in a cloudless sky? Too dramatic. A child lovingly gazing into the camera, holding a daisy under her cherubic chin? Cute, but not me. Well, how about a cute little Pekingese dog? YIKES! I'm well into middle age, but I don't yet consider myself a DOG!! Well, what, what, what identifies me? And then - THERE IT IS!! UN-ASSUMING...HONEST...IN YOUR FACE......AN OSTRICH!! So that is now the representation of "who I am". A damned old, obnoxious, beady-eyed ostrich!! I love it!! It's "me".

How funny that in my quest to identify "who I am", I have learned that I am content and happy to be represented by a big, flightless bird. I have an identity and am ready to move forward.....

Now, what the HECK do I write about?

(Written May 31, 2007)

Ain't

2009-01-28T09:44:00.000-08:00

He was just a little boy, On a week's first day.

Wandering home from Bible school, And dawdling all the way.

He scuffed his shoes into the grass; He even found a caterpillar.

He found a fluffy milkweed pod, And blew out all the 'filler.'

A bird's nest in a tree o'erhead, So wisely placed so high.

Was just another wonder, That caught his eager eye.

A neighbor watched his zig zag course, And hailed him from the lawn;

Asked him where he'd been that day, And what was going on.

'I've been to Bible School ,' He said and turned a piece of sod.

He picked up a wiggly worm replying, 'I've learned a lot about God.'

'M'm, very fine way,' the neighbor said, 'for a boy to spend his time.

'If you can tell me where God is, I'll give you a brand new dime.'

Quick as a flash the answer came! Nor were his accents faint.

'I'll give you a dollar, Mister, If you can tell me where God ain't!'

Author Unknown

Inauguration Nation - A Muddah's Irreverent (and irrelevant) Look at an Historical Day

2009-01-26T21:28:00.000-08:00

Last Tuesday, our nation celebrated the inauguration of its 44th President. I was unable to watch the historic event because it was a workday for me, but as it turns out, a kind little old muddah who lives a few doors down from me viewed the entire event on television. As I stepped out of my car that evening, she was right there to tell me all about it. I would be remiss if I failed to tell it just as she relayed it to me, so get comfortable - She's a long-winded old gal! Her story went something like this:

"Well, hey there, how ya doin' tonight? Me, oh I'm fine but I watched the inauguration all day long and I tell ya, I feel like I been there! Matter of fact, that guy from the Today show said that if I watched it all day long, I could say I WAS there, so I just might use that in the future. Anyway, I'm home all day ya know so I figure it was my civic duty to watch the thing. I'm tellin' you, it was a wonderful site. They started out showin' the Bush's and the Obama's meetin' on the White House porch. Mrs. Obama (I can call her that because at that time, he hadn't been sworn it yet) was carryin' a present for Mrs. Bush. I tell ya, it woulda been nice if they'd made her open that thing right then because I wondered all day what was in there. It looked like a big ol' box of Russell Stover's! By and by, they all walked into the White House, so I didn't get to see what they did after that.

Before long it came time for them to get goin', and they all walked out of the White House again. And this time, the gals was together and the men was together...Isn't that always the way? I guess it don't matter how uppity we get, when men and women get together, they always split up like chickens...Hens on the one side and roosters on the other. They was just all standin' there in the cold and all the sudden, the gals took off and left the guys just standin' there on the porch! I'm thinkin' those gals decided to go shoppin'. Anyway, the men were just standin' around and pretty soon, a whole bunch of cars drove by. And they looked pretty important too, with flags and stuff hangin' all over 'em. I'm pretty sure it was a bunch of military folks - Would you believe it though, Mr. Obama didn't even salute any of them cars!! I mentioned that to my brother and asked him what he thought about that. He said it was probably just a bunch of taxi drivers trying to be the first one to give Mr. Obama a ride, but I said I didn't care - if people are kind enough to drive a bunch of cars with flags on 'em past you, the least you could do was salute 'em! Especially if you're gonna be president pretty soon!

Finally, this fancy car came by and picked up Mr. Bush and Mr. Obama and I'm tellin' you, that car was BIG. I bet they could've stood up and walked around in that thing, it was so big. But, SLOW?? That car was sooo slow, it took them forever to get where they were goin'. I got all the mornin' dishes done up before they got to the inauguratin' place.

The TV kept pannin' out over somethin' they called the mall, so I'm pretty sure them gals did go shoppin', but I'm tellin' you, it wasn't no mall I ever been to! It was outside and it was long and skinny, and there was a lake runnin' right down the middle of it! And that thing was packed with people like sardines in a can! I'm thinkin' they were all in line for the inauguration, but there is no way they all got in because there were just too many of 'em! I'll bet some of 'em are still standin' out there. I hope somebody tells 'em they missed the inauguration because it's cold out there! Cold as it is here, I'm thinkin'!

Anyway, it came time for the inauguratin' to start and you know, they had to parade all them important people down them stairs and into their seats. Finally, Mr. Obama came down the stairs all by himself, and he looked lonesome! Ya'd think they'd at least let him walk in with his wife and babies, but no! He had to walk it alone. He stepped right up to the podian and flung his hand up all ready for the oath. I could tell he was nervous too, because he started rushin' that guy in the robe, and then he messed up! And I could tell right away from the look on his face that he wanted to call overs, but he managed to keep his mouth shut about that and they got through that thing in nothin' flat! He was all oathed in as our 44th President just like that! A man got up and prayed and then a lady read a poem but it didn't rhyme and then Miss Aretha Franklin got up to sing and I love her but Good Lord, what a hat!! You won't believe me when I tell you that hat was bigger than Miss Aretha's head and it was ALL BOW! I tell ya, I never seen such a thing in all my life! Then some guy got out his fiddle and I'm thinkin' now we're really gonna hear some music, but then another guy with one of them big fat fiddles started playin' with him and do you know what those guy's names was? You're not gonna believe this! I'm not sure about the one guy - somethin' like Yiksak or somethin', but the other guy's name was YO-MA-MA!! Can you believe that? I thought my brother was gonna fall off his chair when he heard THAT name!!

I can't tell ya all the folks who was in the stands watchin' Mr. President Obama get oathed in, but there was a bunch of 'em. I did see the Jr President Bush's dad, Sr. President Bush, and you won't believe it but he had on one of them Elmer Fudd hats! Do ya think he was serious about that hat, or did he wear it just to get on TV?

Next they all went to lunch together and I'm not sure where they went, but it warnt no IHOP because the place was huge and they used President Lincoln's dishes to eat off of! And then poor Mr. Kennedy got sick and they had to take him out and another older gent got hauled off too. They didn't say why the older gent got hauled away...I'm thinkin' the seafood musta put him off. Seafood can be hard on the older folks, you know!

After lunch they all went to watch the parade. And I'm all for a parade, but honey that thing went on for hours and hours!! And you could tell even President Obama got tired of it because before long, he was turned around talkin' to folks sittin' behind him. Now I didn't think that was very polite because some of the people in the parade were little boy scouts and they turned and saluted the man as they passed by the stands. And I'll be damned but President Obama didn't salute those little folks back neither!! Somebody evidently noticed his not salutin' after awhile because I noticed every time a group of our military folks marched by, a commander or somethin' was standing by the President so he could know when it was time to salute! And when they warnt standin' with him, Mrs. Obama was standin' beside him. I think she was there to keep him facin' the right way and stop turnin' his back to the parade, because that's not kind, you know? People all marchin' and playin' for ya, and you all turned around makin' a golf date with some guy behind ya!

Anyway, I had to quit watchin' then because it was time to get some supper, but I tell you, it was quite a day! I didn't vote for the man, but I watched the whole thing anyway and you know, I think I'm gonna like him ok if they teach him some presidential protercal!"

A Difficult Gift.....

2009-01-21T19:04:00.001-08:00

This graph shows the improvement I made during my time with Dr. Grant.

After a wonderful visit with my kids, I flew back home to Idaho. One week later, I returned to work. Since then, my life has pretty much returned to normal, or at least my life's definition of it!

Years ago, I found this verse while on a visit to the Oregon coast....

~Those who can perceive eternity in the sea

Understand there is no death - Only change...
No loss - Only difficult gifts~

I've always believed that God placed us on earth to learn, and that there is a lesson within every experience. This latest experience reinforced that belief for me in ways I never imagined. I learned that my husband is a wonderful, forgiving man, with more patience than I believe I will ever have. I've learned that for every doctor out there who seems to view their patients as nothing more than walking dollar signs, there's another whose craft has become their vocation; Who views their patients as hurting, feeling humans in need of a little compassion, and one who remembers always to "first, do no harm".

I learned that friends are amazing treasures. I was touched and encouraged by those who cared enough to continue to call, email and ask about me, even after I failed to return their calls, reply to their emails or even visit with them when they came to my door! THESE people are truly inspirational. I have learned from their example, and I am so very grateful to still have them as friends. I will strive to be at least half the friend they've been to me.

I've learned that although my children are grown and live their lives very far from me, they truly do love me and will not hesitate to be there for me when I need them. This perhaps is the most precious lesson of all. How many mothers have wondered if their grown children still love and care for them? And how many children are willing, in this difficult age, to pre-empt their lives to stop and help their parents in need?

When I began this "adventure", I viewed it with dread as a curse. But through this adventure, I have come to know it as more of a difficult gift. I have learned that life itself is an incredible thing. That as dark as it seems at times, you can learn to find the light. I've learned that my youth is not lost, but lives quietly within me as I am introduced to middle age and all of the adventures it will bring. And most importantly, I've learned that I am not on this journey alone - My family and friends accompany me.

Thank you Lord, for difficult gifts.

A Visit to Maris's House

2009-01-15T20:44:00.001-08:00

When we arrived at Rick and Jennifer's house, my little Maris was waiting outside with her mama. I was so excited to see them, and they seemed happy to see me too!! I don't get many opportunities to be with my little Maris and her mama and daddy, so each visit is precious to me. Rick works for Michael Waltrip, the Daytona 500 winning NASCAR driver (go here for Rick's bio). You NASCAR fans know that the drivers and their teams travel every week to race, which means that my Rick is on the road almost every week from February to November. This makes it practically impossible for them to travel to Idaho to visit for any length of time. In the off-season, they are busily preparing for the next year, so they rarely get a vacation. This made my time with them even more precious to me.

Jennifer is the cook in our family, and she had a beautiful dinner waiting for us when we arrived. Carly, Carson, Maris and I very much enjoyed the homemade lasagna and salad she prepared.

Shortly after dinner, Carly and Carson left for home, and Maris, Jennifer and I went to the airport to pick up Rick, who, with Michael and the rest of the team, were returning from one of the weekly races. We went to a private airstrip and waited for their plane. After some time, the plane and the team finally arrived. I don't know which of us was more excited to see Rick - Maris or I!!!

My little Maris is an absolutely beautiful little girl, both inside and out. She's a sweet little angel with a beautiful smile, and we planned to have a good old-fashioned sleepover that night. It was so much fun getting to know her again... Here's a picture of my little Maris Olivia.....There is no cuter 4 year old girl on this planet!!

By the time we drove home and got settled back in the house, it was time for bed. It had been quite an exciting day for me, so I was ready for a little shut-eye.

The next morning arrived. I was scheduled to fly back home late that afternoon. Rick took the day off so all of us were able to spend the day together. We had such a great time in spite of the short period we had to visit!

Whenever I visit Rick and Jen, Jen and I always have a meal at an exceptionally wonderful restaurant. Because this was a hurried visit, we all enjoyed a fantastic lunch at a restaurant right beside a beautiful lake. The food was outstanding, the scenery breathtaking and the company was simply divine! This is one view of the lake, taken just outside the restaurant.

I just had to get a few pictures of all of us together:My boy Rick, with Maris, and my daughter, Jennifer (if you look very closely, you can see little Sophie!)

A shot of Maris and Maw-Maw....

My wonderful kids and me....

After lunch, Rick took all of us over to RaceWorld USA, home to the Waltrip racing team. If you are ever in Charlotte, you MUST plan to visit there! Inside are fantastic exhibits, information about the world of NASCAR racing, as well as Michael's shop! If you're very lucky, you might catch the pit crew practicing their lightning fast tire changes! It really is an awesome place to visit! Of course, Rick's office is also located here. It was fun to see where my boy spends his workday and to meet his colleagues!

As you walk around the facility, you see the mechanics feverishly working on getting the cars ready for the weekend's show. You never know who you might see during your visit. I was lucky enough to run into Dave Reutimann, driver of the UPS car this past season!It was a fabulous day and it passed much too quickly. Before I knew it, it was time for us to head for the airport so I could catch my flight home and begin my new and incredibly improved life. But before I left, I just had to take one of the cars out for a quick spin: Just a bit more car than muddah could handle... ;)

Thanks kids, for the wonderful, wonderful visit! I love you all so much!

The Entry

2009-01-09T11:47:00.001-08:00

This is a poem, written by Mike on August 12, 2002. It is eerily prophetic...

Entry

His journey nearly over.

Weary, but unbowed

He enter into the dark valley.

A trumpet blows in the distance

Dimly heard through mortal ears

But his heart beats faster with its call.

He does not hear

The shout through the city.

He does not know

The trumpet blows for him.

He does not know

As his earthly body stumbles

and falls,

That his heavenly welcome

has begun.

For a moment, he does not see

Multitudes within the city

Gathered with joy

To greet the hero.

For a moment, he does not see

Angels and seraphim

Saints and friends

Patriarchs and heroes

Coming to greet him

As he enters his eternal home.

His mortal body stumbles and falls

And having done all it was meant to do

It finishes its earthly race

And leaves behind the things

of earth.

But the pilgrim himself does not

stumble and fall.

Freed from earthly bonds and cares

He leaves his broken mortal body

And enters unbroken eternal life.

Now he sees the welcoming crowd.

Now he hears the shouts of joy.

Now he see the saints and heroes

And now he knows he has come home.

He hears the blowing trumpets

He sees the streets of gold.

He hears the sounds of heaven

And eternally he is home.

Nothing earthly can this equal!

Nothing mortal can this match!

all surpassing joy and victory!

His at last! His at last!

Through the gates he comes with wonder

Seeing all the King's great works.

Mighty beauty, glorious music

Light and joy and love and peace.

Surrounded by the shouting greeters

Joining in their praise to God

He finds completion of his journey

Knowing he is really home.

Yet still he senses incompleteness.

His journey's goal was more than this

Still he knows there's something missing

Still he misses heaven's kiss.

Then the pressing crowd goes silent.

Shouting greeters move aside

Even heaven's glories falter

All else is laid aside.

The greatest One now stands before him

and he sees his precious Friend.

Now he knows the joy of heaven.

As he bows before his King

Jesus above all else exalted!

Nothing in earth or heaven compares

King of kings and Lord of Glory!

Jesus, savior, King and Friend!

Jesus is the King of heaven

We will see Him face to face

We will hear his voice of welcome

Finding He has made our place.

O to bow before the Savior

O to see His precious face

O to hear His gracious welcome

Saved by His unchanging grace.

He will be the best of heaven

The King is who we want to see

Jesus is the One exalted

To be with Him is all we need.

(Inspired by II Timothy 4:8; Revelation 21 & 22; Matthew 25:21, 34. Pilgrim's Progress (the welcome of Christian), and John Hall's "Palms of Victory")

I Hardly Knew Ye....

2009-01-08T19:21:00.000-08:00

I attended a memorial service today for a man I worked with for about a year. I thought I knew him fairly well. Day in and day out, he and I worked in the same office. His reputation preceded him - not for his personality, brilliance or looks necessarily, but because he pastored the Assembly of God church in our city. I'd attended "Assemblies" on occasion through my life, and I always viewed the members as a little "off-putting". They struck me as being just the opposite of the pious, reverent, never-turn-your-back-to-the-alter Catholic I was raised to be. I also had it on good authority that he spent as much time sheparding the customers who walked in as he did helping them find gainful employment. Being a Christian myself, I admired this trait, and at the same time secretly admonished him for not doing what he was being paid to do. "An honest day's work for an honest day's pay" was something I was taught early in life.

I never spoke too much with Mike, other than the perfunctory "good morning" or "have a good night", and the longer I worked with him, the more perplexing he became to me. He seemed to have the strangest compulsions, such as making sure there was no ice on the sidewalks in morning and making sure HE was the one who locked all the doors before leaving at night. He took it upon himself to make certain the state car was always washed, serviced and sporting adequate tires, depending on the time of year. If he didn't already have someone with him, he was always rushing up to the counter to grab a poor customer and usher them to his desk, whether they needed the services he provided or not! On more than one occasion, I witnessed him holding a counseling session and a Bible study, right there in his cubicle! He also had a way of "helping" me by explaining how to operate my telephone or the copier machine, or the fax, for heaven's sake! He must have thought I was some kind of idiot, or was he trying to show me that he was the most wonderful, knowledgeable person in the office? I decided he was simply obnoxious.

Mike also kept an array of weird objects littered around his cubicle; Pine cones, stones and all manner of sea shells. And LOTS of pictures of his grandkids! The pine cone was my "favorite". It was HUGE, and he displayed it with pride by fashioning a sort of stand for it out of cardboard. As I was walking by his desk one day, I casually asked him where he got such a big pine cone. "The pine cone? You like that pine cone? Want to know where I got that?" He then launched into a presentation about how it came from a specific tree in California, that it featured particularly sharp points on the edges ("Feel those....Come on and just feel one!"), and that if it fell from its tree and hit a person on the head, it would probably kill them. Before I could escape, he picked up the conch shell and insisted that I hold it to my ear to hear the ocean in it! Before I knew it, he held another shell called a nautilus, saying "I'll bet you've never seen one of these before, have you? Do you know what a nautilus is?" Good Lord, I was just trying to be nice!! Of COURSE I knew what a nautilus was! I used to work in a Nautilus Fitness Center, for heaven's sake! "YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY MAN WHO KNOWS ANYTHING, MIKE!", I screamed at him from inside my head. From that day forward, I carefully planned my trips around the office to avoid passing his cubicle.

On a few occasions, my kids came to town for a visit and stopped by the office to meet my co-workers. I was reluctant to introduce them to Mike, because I knew they would not be allowed to leave until they'd each received one of his special cubicle tours, whether they wanted one or not!

I had acquired a chronic cough. It kept me up all night and I grew extremely tired. It was getting progressively worse and I was getting sicker. I was frequently too sick to work. The doctors didn't seem to have any clue about what was causing it or how to stop it. Mike marched over to me one morning and loudly proclaimed that if I wanted him to pray over me to just let him know and he would certainly do it. He didn't care if it WAS a government office, he said. "You just let me know".

I was not the only one who was agitated by Mike, and as the months past, the other girls in the office grew more and more irritated with him. "Did you see what he did with this file? I've told him a dozen times how to complete this procedure and he STILL doesn't know how to do it!" "Where is Mike? He left for lunch nearly 2 hours ago! I guess he just thinks he can come and go whenever he feels like it!" "Man!! Just because he was the manager of an office in Oregon, he thinks he's the boss around here, too! Well, he's not going to tell ME what to do!" The comments finally worked their way up to the ears of management, and Mike was relegated to receptionist duties only. What a come-down for such a worldly man!

Time passed, and one day I realized that Mike was becoming more subdued than he'd ever been in the past. Oh, he still held his "one-on-ones" with the customers and spent huge amounts of time on the phone, but he seemed to distance himself a bit from the rest of us in the office for whatever reason. He was the only guy in the office...Was it possible that he'd finally gotten his fill of listening to female office banter? Often times I would glance over and see him sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. "NOW what is he doing?" I thought. "Sleeping on the job??"

My cough finally got so bad that I was forced to take an extended leave of absence. During this time, I finally found a doctor who helped relieve my cough (along with a host of other things), and I was able to return to work on October 6th. On my first morning back, I noticed that Mike was not in the office. "Where is Mike? On another vacation?" I quipped. My other two co-workers rushed to my desk with concerned looks on their faces. "Oh, didn't you hear what happened? Mike is sick! Last Friday, he couldn't do a thing! He was trying to sign people up for the workshop and just look at what he did!" They thrust a clip board toward me and I looked down upon it. There, written on the sheet were lines of unintelligible marks and scratches. My heart fell to the pit of my stomach. "My God", I said, "Did he have a stroke?" "We don't know what happened. It was really awful! He came to me 3 times, asking for the name of the copier."
"He came to my desk and told me that he wanted to send me an email...But he just couldn't figure out how to do it!" "He told me that he couldn't see. I think he's having a reaction to the new medicine his doctor gave him." "I think he's going to the doctor to have some tests". That day was a solemn one for all of us in the office. What had happened to Mike? Was that why he had acted the way he did? What's going to happen? How about his poor wife?

A few days later, Mike and his wife came into the office. Mike was silent as he went to his cubicle, appearing busy with this, that and the other. Linda cornered his wife Janet to see what they'd found out. The answer was devastating. Mike had been diagnosed with tumors in his brain. They didn't know yet whether it was cancer. The doctors were going to do a biopsy the next day. As Mike aimlessly wandered the office, he happened to look up and see me. "HI!", he said with a big grin. "I am so glad to see you again! Were you able to get the help you needed?" "Yes Mike," I said, "I'm feeling very much better. How are you?" "Well," he said, "I'm having a few problems at the moment, but I'll be fine. I'm just glad you're feeling better!" With that, he found his wife again and prepared to leave. We all told him goodbye, not to worry about things here, and to hurry up and get better. "Oh, I'm just having a little procedure. I'll be back in a week".

Mike never returned to the office. He was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer in his brain. The doctor gave him 3 to 6 months to live. All of us bore a load of guilt and remorse for the way we had treated him and for things we had said. "If I had only known.....I wouldn't have been so hard on him!"

The biopsy disabled him considerably, and Mike was moved to a nursing home for care. One day after work, the girls and I got into our cars and convoyed together to the nursing home to see him. Two at a time, we stoically marched into his room for a visit. It was awkward for all of us, I think, but particularly awkward for me. I knew Mike instinctively knew what I thought of him. I carried the office card and gift, and, acting like it was a birthday present, placed it on the bed beside him. "Put it on the....with....." he stammered with a smile, and I asked him if I could open it for him. He grinned and nodded, and I pulled out a picture he'd had at work that he was particularly fond of. It was a picture of his family, and we'd had it framed so he could enjoy it there in his new place of residence. He nodded and smiled his appreciation to us. It was obviously a struggle for him to talk, so we yammered on about how we missed him in the office, about how many people had come in to ask about him, and so on. Mike grinned and nodded some more. I noticed a definite calm about him, and I knew that he was at peace with his situation. He spoke volumes through his eyes as he looked at us, as if to say, "It's all right, don't feel bad. I understand. Thank you for coming to see me." My visiting partner and I didn't stay long. We used the excuse that others were waiting to visit. But I distinctly felt God's presence in his room that day, and I left feeling very sorry and ashamed, yet forgiven. I couldn't bring myself to visit him again, though I told him that I would. He lived 2 more months after our visit.

At his memorial service today, all the questions I'd had about Mike were answered. Indeed, he was quite an accomplished man. A college graduate, he was a teacher at the local schools in our valley. He was truly a Bible scholar, and pastored 3 churches prior to coming here to lead our local Assembly of God. He loved working with children, helping people, teaching Sunday schools, leading Bible studies and loving the Lord. In addition to this and many other things, he was an accomplished poet, having written over 100 poems. His son read one of them during the service. It was an absolutely beautiful piece.

I realized that, in spite of my attitude, Mike managed to teach me an incredible number of things in our short time together. I didn't realize this until today, and I regret that I will never be able to thank him for it. I know that as we speak, he is rejoicing in the presence of the Lord, and that the Lord is responding, saying "Welcome, my good and faithful servant".

Mike, for what it's worth, I'm sorry I WAS such an idiot. I'm sorry I refused to accept your unique offer of friendship and fellowship. Most of all, I'm sorry for myself - for the missed opportunity to get to know you better. I promise you though that I won't forget your valuable lessons. I promise I will try to offer my hand in friendship and love to everyone I meet from this day forward. I'll remember that we are ALL God's children, and we should love one another as brothers and sisters, regardless of their little idiocyncracies. Finally Mike,I promise to do as you asked me - I'll try to walk with Jesus.

Thank you Mike. Goodbye for now, my friend.....

2009-01-06T21:00:00.000-08:00

Time was growing near for me to head back to Idaho and start applying my newly acquired techniques. I was pretty excited. For the first time in my life, I wasn't totally dreading leaving my kids. Of course I was sad to be saying goodbye, but I was anxious to get back home and get my new life started! And things just seemed to get better and better every day. I was scheduled to fly out of Myrtle on Friday, but it just so happened that Carly was scheduled to come to Myrtle that weekend for a get together with her dad. Josh called and asked her (unbeknownst to me) if I could ride with them back to North Carolina so I could see her, Carson and my oldest son Rick, his wife Jen, and my granddaughter Maris. Carly readily agreed. So, Josh called the airlines (or maybe he went online), got my flight changed to the following Monday, flying out of Charlotte, then broke the news to me. I was absolutely ecstatic!! The one flaw in this otherwise perfect trip was going to be mended! I WAS going to be able to see my daughter, my oldest son, and their families!! It was just too good to be true!

Carly and Carson arrived and we had a great visit. Although they had just come to Idaho in March for a visit, I was amazed at how much Carson had grown and changed! Here are a few pictures of the fun:

Top: Carson, Aunt Tia, me and Carly, chillin'..... Bottom: Carson, "Gamma", and mama Carly......

Here's a shot of the whole happy crew!

Sunday arrived too soon, and it was time for us to say goodbye to Josh and Tia. They will never realize how much they've given me in those few short days. I will never be able to adequately thank or re-pay them, and I'll never know what I did to have been blessed with such incredibly thoughtful, loving and amazing kids!

Telling my Joshie goodbye..

Our trip north was lots of fun. I always enjoy the conversations I have with my Carly, and of course, it's not a car trip without Carly and mom singing their hearts out. Of course, our duet has become a trio with Carson now chiming in perfectly. Carson's and my favorite song this trip was the Banana Boat Song, and he and I continued to sing "DAY-O!" long after mom wanted to hear it. We sang it until ...

"Daylight come and I want to go HOMMMME...."

Our trip ended too soon. However, we had arrived at Rick and Jen's house, and it was time for me to see my sweet granddaughter Maris and her daddy and mama. It was with a huge lump in my throat that I watched my sweet babies Carly and Carson drive away.....

More Excitement!

2009-01-03T18:48:00.000-08:00

Here are a few more pictures of Sophie and her family:

Here is Daddy Rick, Mama Jen with Sophie, and sister Maris

This is Aunt Carly, cousin Carson, Mommy, Sophie and sister Maris

Big sis Maris & li'l sis Sophie with daddy looking on

Cousin Carson takes a turn

Aunt Carly loves her new little niece!

LOOK WHO THE NEW YEAR BROUGHT IN!!!

2009-01-03T17:16:00.001-08:00

Presenting Sophie Allen Wainright! Born January 3, 2009 - Weighing in at 5 lbs, 12 oz. She joins her sister Maris and mom and dad, Rick and Jennifer. Promises to enrich our lives tremendously! I am a very proud and excited GrandMuddah for the third time!!

God Love You, sweet baby girl!!

The Awakening....

2008-12-29T20:05:00.000-08:00

During one of our later sessions, Dr. Grant asked me what I was going to be doing in 5 years. The question took me by surprise, since for most of the year I'd spent all my energy just trying to make it to the next day! After a few moments thought, I told him I had been more focused on what I wanted to do after retirement. "Ok", he said, "What are your plans after retirement?" I told him my dream of wintering in North/South Carolina and spending the summer in North Idaho. He asked me how I was going to make that happen. (He obviously didn't get the part about it being a DREAM). "Well," I said, "first and foremost, we have to pay off our bills!" He asked me how much I owed, and, ashamedly hanging my head, I told him - "Almost $50,000.00". A slight grin came over his face and he said "Do you know how much debt my wife and I have right now?" (Mind you, the man has attended school for the majority of his life and his wife also owed on several student loans. They also had property in North Carolina, along with various other debts they'd acquired.) As he spoke however, I was thinking "So what? You're a doctor! You can afford to carry that debt load and have it paid off in a few years!" Then he told me how far in debt they were. I nearly passed out right there in the chair!! Unfazed, he explained how he and his wife decided to make getting out of debt a priority. They set about a plan. He listed all of his debts, then graphed the whole thing on paper. He chose to pay off the debt starting with the single lowest amount. When that debt was paid, he took the payment and placed it toward the next lowest. When that debt was paid, he took the amount of the two paid debts and threw it toward the next. This produced a snowball effect. He updated the graph from month to month, so he could see his debt shrinking. This gave him a sense of accomplishment and spurred him on. "Hmmm", I thought, "I wonder if I could make that work for me?" Dr. Grant suggested that I give it a try. And so was born my first Action Plan. My wildest pipe dream was becoming a goal - to be bi-coastal - a way for me to be near my beloved kids and grand kids and to also remain rooted in the place I knew and loved dearly - the place my ancestors homesteaded before it was even a State.

After my session that day, Josh and I went over what Dr. Grant and I had discussed. Josh said "Sure mom, that is the same technique I used to get Tia and myself out of debt! It's a great system!" He agreed to help me crunch some numbers, which was good because well, I can't figure out a microwave - you take it from there! I listed all my debts, we made a few phone calls to get exact figures, and Josh went into the other room. Within about a half-hour, he returned with a big grin and announced that he had it all figured out. He'd even graphed the whole thing for me. We sat down and he explained to me how it would work and what he discovered - I COULD BE DEBT FREE AND BI-COASTAL IN ONLY 3 AND 1/2 YEARS!!

THAT is when it finally struck me. All of pieces suddenly fell neatly into place. THIS was REALLY GOING TO WORK FOR ME! This cognitive thinking was all I'd hoped for and so much more!! The weight of a million bricks fell from my shoulders like so much dust. I WAS ECSTATIC!! I WAS FREE!! I had my life back again!! For the first time in longer than I could remember, I HAD CONTROL OF MY LIFE!! I can't even describe to you the feeling I felt! A million thoughts rushed into my head. I had it within me to realize ALL of my hopes and dreams (most of which I'd convinced myself would never come true). The list was endless! I could finish school! I could study law and even get a Juris Doctor (not that I desire to practice, but just because I love the law). Kelly and I WEREN'T going to be stuck struggling for the rest of our lives. We can have a wonderful retirement - One we can truly enjoy!! I came as close to soaring that day as any person could hope to do without the aid of wings or planes. The joy comes back to me every time I think of it!! I felt 18 again!! The world was my oyster! I best way I can describe that feeling (as odd as it sounds), is to compare it with the feelings of Frank Cross in the movie "Scrooged", after being forced to follow 3 ghosts around and finally realizing that he had a second chance to "Get it Right" - To become TRULY successful in life. Although the character Cross' and my situations differ considerably, we've both come away from our experiences with similar feelings...

(paraphrased)
"Everybody's gotta have this miracle! It can happen tonight for all of you!
If you believe in this pure thing, the miracle will happen and you'll want it again tomorrow!
You won't say "it's a fraud." It's NOT!
It can happen every day! You've just got to want that feeling!
You'll want it every day! It can happen to you!
I believe in it now!
I believe it's gonna happen to me, now. I'm ready for it!
And it's great. It's a good feeling.
It's better than I've felt in a very long time.
I'm ready..."

A Growing Cognition...

2008-12-18T18:54:00.000-08:00

I saw Dr. Grant again on Tuesday. We continued to hone the skills he'd taught me and he recommended some additional books he thought would help. Several of these books are listed on Dr. Grant's website.

We spent some time in each session just talking, and by doing so, more and more "issues" came to the surface. As they surfaced, I began to question how simply working a thought record or completing an S.E.A.T. was going to make everything ok every time. I asked Dr. Grant about this growing suspicion and he understood. He explained that there were many "tools" I could use to "test out" the balanced, or alternative thoughts I derived from the thought record or S.E.A.T. For instance, I unknowingly conducted an experiment of sorts when I decided to "clock out" and take to my bed. "Did it work for you?", he asked. "Well, most definitely NOT!", came my reply. However, I learned from that failed experiment that going to bed for the rest of my life was NOT the solution to my problem, and as tapped out as I was mentally, I continued to search for a solution that would work. I didn't realize I was "experimenting" at the time, but in fact, I was.
"You decided to fly across the United States for help, didn't you?", he asked me. I said, "No I didn't. Josh decided that I needed to do that, and he made it possible for me to get here." "But", he said, "YOU were the one who ultimately made the decision to go, correct? YOU were the one who packed your bags, got on the plane, and flew down here. Josh had nothing to do with that. YOU were the one who ultimately decided to give it a try. You didn't know if it would work, but you decided it was worth a chance, and you took it. And did that experiment work for you?"
Did it WORK for me? Are you kidding?? In the 6 or so days I'd been there, my mood lightened considerably; I felt that I was beginning to think clearly again, and I hadn't taken (or even really cared about taking) one single drink! I was even learning to successfully work Josh and Tia's microwave. Why yes, I believed it WAS working for me!

Dr. Grant then explained that I could conduct experiments on any of the alternative or balanced thoughts I derived from the completed thought records. As my belief in the balanced or alternative thoughts increased, my improved mood became more stabilized. And if the experiments did not support my new beliefs, I could use that information to to create different beliefs that more accurately reflected my experiences. Dr. Grant explained that I would likely have to do a number of experiments before I shifted my old beliefs. The workbook told me that it was important to keep a written record of experiments in order to track results that would accumulate over time.

The whole idea of an experiment is to discover what really happens when we try something new. When experiments don't turn out as we hope, it is time to problem solve, not quit! Sometimes you can tweak your experiment by adding or changing a few steps.
Sometimes a thought record or S.E.A.T. will help you realize and identify a problem that needs to be solved. In these cases, you make an ACTION PLAN.

I practiced working several thought records on past, recurring experiences that evoked negative emotions in me. In some cases, I realized that I was actually making mountains out of mole hills, and I determined that I would conduct experiments to help change my way of thinking so when these experiences happened in the future, I wouldn't make more of them than they really are. In other cases, I realized there were problems that need to be solved, and I knew I could develop Action Plans to solve the problems. It was interesting and a bit exciting as I realized more and more that I really could control the way I felt on a daily basis. I was really beginning to believe it would WORK!

A Bird's Eye View of Christmas...

2008-12-15T20:12:00.000-08:00

The other night, when I let my birds out for their nightly visit with the family, Rosie decided to check out the Christmas tree. She flew right onto it, and there she stayed for the majority of the evening! Rosie's first stop on the tree landed her face to face with a glass cockatoo. They look equally surprised to see each other!

"Are you kidding me? Do you actually think that a penquin qualifies as a bird?"

"I'll show you how a bird is SUPPOSED to look on a Christmas Tree!"

"I'm ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille!"

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!"

Take a Seat!

2008-12-10T19:14:00.000-08:00

Monday arrived and it was time for my next session with Dr. Grant. After meeting with him 2 or 3 times, he gave me a long list of questions that he asked me to complete. After I completed this questionnaire, he used it to determine my "maladies" and gauge their extent. The results? I was suffering from severe depression and severe anxiety. Wow! I was a worse mess than I thought!

I, however, felt like I was definitely making progress. I was learning how to understand my problems and was beginning to realize that my thought patterns (some of which I didn't consciously realize) were contributing to my actions along with my overall mood and feeling of well being. I was also learning about core beliefs and the huge part they play. But I knew I still had work to do because on this particular day, I just wasn't feeling "right". I was also still hacking and coughing 24/7. When Dr. Grant asked me how I was feeling that day, I told him "OK I guess". He asked me just exactly what it was that wasn't OK. After a few moments of thought, all I could come up with was that I was having a BAD hair day. His response? "That's OK...I have hair too". While I had to chuckle at that remark, it failed to erase my sullen mood. I still wasn't feeling really GOOD. It was then that he invited me to "take a seat".
S.E.A.T. is a method that was developed by Dr. Grant. It is very similar to what is referred to as a "Thought Record", something that he'd presented to me the week before. However, S.E.A.T. is simpler to master. While the Thought Record consists of 7 steps, the S.E.A.T. method consists of just 4. Once you learn to understand a little about thoughts, feelings and moods, you have some tools with which to complete a S.E.A.T. And once you master the S.E.A.T., you gain the ability to change the way you think, thus changing the way you feel! It's an amazing concept, but I questioned whether it was something a person could master in a short period of time....

Side Roads...

2008-12-06T15:45:00.000-08:00

Wiser and More Distracted
27 May 2008, by marciamarciamarcia

Older Brain Really May Be a Wiser Brain
By SARA REISTAD-LONGPublished: May 20, 2008

New research suggests that memory lapses that occur with age might be a sign of a widening focus of attention. When older people can no longer remember names at a cocktail party, they tend to think that their brainpower is declining. But a growing number of studies suggest that this assumption is often wrong. Instead, the research finds, the aging brain is simply taking in more data and trying to sift through a clutter of information, often to its long-term benefit.....

There are at least 10 other things I should be doing right now besides blogging. It is Saturday for heavens sake, the day I should be cleaning house, doing laundry, or any number of other things any responsible woman would do on Saturday. Oh, don't get the wrong idea! Most of the time, I actually enjoy responsibility and I commit to the responsibilities I'm given. Sometimes, however (like now), my brain seems to become uncontrollably distracted, and when this happens, I have no choice but to roll with it. It's not something that happens regularly. Sometimes I actually welcome it because it can be rather cleansing. All the garbage that has managed to enter my brain is somehow released, leaving me able to think much more clearly. It's not unlike freeing up space on the hard drive of your computer. Sometimes I wish I could make it happen on command and other times, I wish it never happened because I can't get any one thing done! The only way I can explain it is to allow you to climb inside my head and take a look for yourself...

(Typical thought process in distracted mode)

Hmmm, I really have a lot to get done today. Get the house cleaned so you don't have to worry about it on what should be a day of rest. Finish making the Christmas gifts and oh, go get some wrapping paper and ribbon so you can wrap the gifts you have finished....Is Walmart open all night? Wonder what's on TV? Cool! "I Love Lucy"...I LOVE Lucy! I could watch it all day...Oh, what's this? A Christmas movie! I LOVE old Christmas movies. And BONUS! Jimmy Stewart is in it. I just love Jimmy Stewart...

Well, are you just going to lie here all day? What about your blog? You actually have 2 followers now! You really need to keep updating regularly so they will continue to follow...Geez, I'll be glad when I get through telling about my sojourn through the hell of depression...I need something to listen to...I'll turn TV onto the satellite station with non-stop Christmas carols....Wow, this coffee table really needs dusting and who keeps moving stuff around on here? I put these things in a certain place for a reason, you know!

Hi birds! Hi my birdas, how are you doing today? Need some water, Rosie? Ok, mom will get you some water. Hi, L.V.! You need some water too? No? Well! You don't need to hiss at me! I promise I'll let you out later, buddy...Don't get so mad at me! Ok Rose, here's your water - Your food looks good....Well, not "good" exactly, it's just seeds after all...Must look good to you though, huh? Ok, guess I'll go blog. Check out your favorite blog sites first to see how they're doing...Oh look, CW's doing a Christmas alphabet (wonder how she'll deal with 'i'?) And look at CR's site. That picture she's got at the top is so cute and it's just how I remember her! In my mind, she'll always be 4 years old! Funny, since she's actually become quite accomplished, with her wonderful husband and 3 lovely daughters, her work and all that. I'll link over to RP -GEEZ, he hasn't posted since Nov 23rd! What the heck? Yea, you're the one to talk, mtnmuddah! Get posting...

Wait, I need to get a soda. Man, every dish in the house is dirty, what's up with that? Wonder what's going on at Huck's website....Oh look! Carly has some new photos of herself and Carson on her MySpace page...Geez, that guy in front of her has curly hair...wonder if she knows him...BLOG, DAMMIT! Oh, I can't think. Do something concrete...Start the clothes....Colored first...Hey look, Cody threw all his dirties out here this time. That kid is really shaping up for his Aunt! Colors first...Hmm, not too much laundry this week. Better look under the bed....BLOG!!! Ok, new post. See if you can get your comments to work...Nope. Boy, I really like that ostrich at the top of my page...or is it an emu? I want it to be an ostrich...Tia thinks it's an emu....Maybe it is...What's the difference between an ostrich and an emu? Must be like a wallaby and a kangaroo, or a whippet and a greyhound....

And on it goes....The day is gone and nothing is done yet! Do you ever get into one of these modes? Please tell me you do! I really haven't made any progress on this blog, either! I still have to write about my second week with Dr. Grant and let everyone who cares and doesn't know yet how things turned out. But first, I need to get those clothes in the dryer, and OMG! you're watching Christmas Vacation!! Can you start it over so I can watch it too.....?

Down Time

2008-11-26T19:29:00.000-08:00

The weekend arrived and it was time to relax. Some of the best therapy I received was during these down times, when I could just relax and visit with my son and daughter (technically, she's my daughter-in- law, but she's REALLY my daughter). You can't be around these two and not laugh. I so enjoy being around them! Here are a few pictures of that first weekend..

Here's Miss Tia gearing up for the football games!

I'm not a football fan, but watching those two watch football is a hoot! And they yell and cheer for their respective teams like they were sitting in the stands!

Here's a picture of their boat...(wanna buy it? It's for sale!)

I was absolutely fascinated by these little chameleons. These little guys are very common. I took so many pictures of them, it seemed like they actually came out to pose after a few days! (I loved them, but rest assured, I would have had a coronary if one of them actually fell on me!!)

My Joshie, kickin' back

On this night before Thanksgiving and the kick-off of the holiday season, I find myself thinking about my kids even more than usual. I am so very thankful for all of them, and while I miss them terribly, I take comfort in the fact that they are ALL wildly successful in their lives and for the most part, happy. They have made me so proud. What mother could possibly ask for more than that?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy....

2008-11-22T21:13:00.000-08:00

...is a psychotherapeutic approach that aims to influence problematic and dysfunctional emotions, behaviors and cognitions through a goal-oriented, systematic procedure...CBT treatments have received empirical support for efficient treatment of a variety of clinical and non-clinical problems, including mood disorders, anxiety disorders, personality disorders, eating disorders, substance abuse disorders, and psychotic disorders. It is often brief and time-limited. (Taken from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

My 2nd visit with Dr. Grant was a brief review of our previous session, then we quickly moved on. In these 1st visits, I learned an amazing number of things: That there are 5 components to any problem: environment, physical, moods, behaviors, and thoughts. Each of these components affects and interacts with the others, so small changes in one area can lead to changes in the other areas. If I could learn to identify these 5 components in my own problems, I could better understand them, making it easier to see what areas I could target for change. It's really not as complicated as the books make it sound!

I learned the difference between feelings and moods, which was enlightening because I always looked at the two as being more or less the same. In fact, feelings are shorter and more fleeting - moods can go on for long periods of time. It's important to realize that your thoughts influence your moods. I learned ways to look at my problems from all sides - the positive, negative, and the neutral. Doing this enables me to look at my problems more objectively and helps me to open my mind to discover several (yes, SEVERAL!) solutions to my previously "unsolvable" problems. I can then choose the best solution to resolve that problem. When I learned a little about the theory behind cognitive therapy, it sounded so simple that in my head, I kept thinking "DUH!" However, when I committed to learn about the theory and methods behind this therapy, I realized that I would have to open my mind far enough to block the preconceived notions and openly learn to understand and apply the methods Dr. Grant was attempting to teach. THAT is not as easy to do when you are in as dark a place as I was during those first few visits!

Post "War"

2008-11-18T19:40:00.000-08:00

Despite the Great Honeybun Wars of 2008, the time came for my first appointment with Dr. Grant. I'd been greatly anticipating my first visit with him, although I wasn't quite sure what to expect. I knew Josh had been researching different religions and ways of life in his quest to "live the dream", so I wasn't sure whether I'd be meeting a buttoned-down man in a 3-piece suit or a guy in a Nehru jacket! Would his office consist of Corinthian leather and rich mahogany or tinkling windchimes and the smell of incense wafting through the air?

We pulled into the parking lot and I saw a modest, one-story building. We got out of the car and walked up to the door. I felt rather like a child who was being escorted to her first day of school by her father. Josh tugged at the door, only to find it locked tight. I looked over at him, wondering if locked doors were standard in these places. After a moment of standing there staring at each other and wondering why we had been greeted by a locked door, the doctor appeared. He opened the door and welcomed us in. Josh and the doctor exchanged a few pleastantries, then Josh turned to me, promising that he WOULD be back, and departed. Dr. Grant smiled, asked me how I was and invited me back into his office.

I was pleasantly relieved and for some reason surprised when I saw Dr. Grant. He was not at all what I expected! Just a typical guy in a polo shirt and slacks. No stuffed shirt and no New-Age "tinklings" or "wafting" going on at all! I fully expected to be shown to a couch, but was instead invited to sit in a wonderfully comfy chair that I seemed to just sink into, not unlike I imagine sitting on a cloud would be. He introduced himself to me and I to him. He seemed intrigued by the fact that I had traveled across the United States to see him. I also learned that he was a former Catholic priest, which was fine with me, because I was a former Catholic!

We began right away by discussing the topics covered in the book he had asked me to get prior to our first meeting. No "you are sick and making yourself sicker", no "tell me about yourself and what you're feeling". It was refreshing! This man had a mission and I soon realized that he had no intention of dwelling upon my "problems". He was there to teach me, if I wanted to learn, how to heal myself! It was time to get with the program, there was no time to lose! I actually had a double session with him that day. It was interesting and a bit overwhelming to me, but I really felt that finally, I just may have hit PAY DIRT!

Rescue, 911!

2008-11-15T21:15:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned earlier, I was hopefully anticipating meeting this doctor that Josh had told me about. I woke up after my first night in Myrtle Beach. My appointment was at 1pm. A glance at the clock told me it was about 10am Eastern time, but the clock in my head insisted that it was really 7am PACIFIC time. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am NOT a morning person!! In fact, I'm never tracking on all cylinders until about 4 in the afternoon, and that's when I actually have some tracking ability! Despite this, I was excited (as excited as I could be considering my state) about what lay before me, and I fervently hoped that this guy could/would help me get back on track. I crawled out of bed and wandered down the hallway into the kitchen.

Now Tia, or 'T' as I call her, has what I consider to be a beautifully clean and tidy house. She works full time, but comes home each evening after work and dutifully tidies things up. She sweeps the floors, cleans up any stray dishes and generally makes sure things are in their rightful place. Her house SMELLS wonderful. Keep this in mind as I relay the following:

(Cut back to me, stumbling down the hallway.)

I wander into the kitchen and decide I need to eat something. After all, breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and I'm beginning to think that possibly, this might be my first day on the road back to mental health and wellness. I need to make a good first impression. I choose the most nutritious, delicious breakfast I can find - HONEY BUNS. Of course, any person who's ever eaten a honey bun knows that the only proper way to consume one is to heat it up first. I find a saucer, trip over to the microwave and toss my first meal of the day inside. Now I have been using microwaves since about 1984 and I feel pretty adept at it. I close the door, hit 2-30 on the keypad and "start" it up. I look up and realize I've just ordered this time-saving device to cook my honey bun for 2 hours and 30 minutes!! I find the 'stop' button, open the door (I guess to see if my "meal" was still in there (?)), then close the door, stare at the keypad for a few seconds, hit the keypad and then 'start'. Once again, I'm nuking my bun for 2 hrs and 30 minutes!! "Oh well", I say to myself, "I'll just watch the darn thing and pull it out in 25 seconds". (No rebel microwave was going to get the best of me!) I thought it was a great plan, however I "forgot" that my brain had the attention span of a 5 month old child. I almost immediately walked away from the microwave to glimpse out the window. After gazing out for, oh, probably 5 seconds, it occurred to me that I had left the charger on my cell phone all night and OMG, I'd better go unplug it before the charger becomes the monster I had heard it could be and suck all the chargie-ness back out of the phone!! Down the hall I go. I locate the phone right away (which in itself was a feat). I grabbed the phone and jerked the charger out of the wall, saving the cell from impending death. Of course, I had to check it to make sure my phone was in working order, so I hit the power button and stood there staring at it until it connected with its mother ship (or whatever it is that cell phones connect to that makes them spring to life). Feeling satisfied and just a shade heroic, back down the hall I went, ready to receive my just reward, the breakfast of champions, my honeyb---!!! OH HELL, MY HONEYBUN!! I hightailed it out into the kitchen (meaning I walked as fast as I possibly could to avoid a prat fall). I looked up at the microwave and what I saw was not pretty. I threw open the door and a HUGE ball of smoke, shaped not unlike a mushroom cloud, came rushing out the door at me! Waving arms and hands as furiously as I could, I tried to dispel the smoke enough to check the status of my honeybun. Now, you know how great cinnamon rolls or honeybuns smell when they're heated? Well, this was SO NOT THAT SMELL!! And the honeybun itself? A smoking, steaming pile of goo. I stood there in awe, looking at it for a few seconds, then grabbed the plate to remove it. Oh, the stench! Oh, the smoke! JOSH AND TIA ARE GOING TO KILL ME!! I inhaled, my olfactory lobes desparately searching for the clean, beautiful essence of the home I'd entered only one night before. My mind goes into self defense mode, and for a fraction of a second I think 'well, maybe they'll think the dogs did it'.

"Think, THINK!" I pleaded to my brain. "You've GOT to cover this faux pas before one of the kids find out what you did!" Out I went to the garage and trash bin to destroy the evidence, smoke and stench trailing behind me as thick as a vapor trail. I get to the garbage, honeybun still dripping with smoke, and attempt to dump it in the trash. But the damn thing wouldn't dump!! It clung to that saucer for dear life, not wanting to be banished, uneaten, to a landfill! (By this time, I'm pretty sure the thing was not even a food product anymore. It was as hard as a carp and a whole lot darker than it was when I put it in the nuclear oven). What to do....What to do? I grabbed a knife and tried to get under the thing, but somehow the chemicals in the bun and the saucer had melded to form the strongest super glue known to man!! I chiseled that bun off the plate in record time though (along with just a little of the plate's pattern - SERIOUSLY, it was barely noticeable!), and raced back into the house to find some air freshener. I looked high and low and couldn't find anything resembling any kind of freshener! I did what I knew I had to do and called Josh at work. Certainly HE had to have incinerated something in that devilish microwave! Of course! He would probably just chuckle sympathetically and let me know where I could find some air freshener to mask the ODOR FROM HELL. I grabbed the phone and began dialing...............

After just a few rings, the phone is answered and I hear a cheery "Quantum Talent, this is Peg". In the most casual tone I could muster, I said "Hi Peg, this is Dawn, Josh's mom. Can I talk to him for a minute please?" After a few moments of dead air, Peg stammers "Um, well Dawn, I thought he was with YOU!" Upon hearing these words, I realize that Josh must have stayed home with me and was somewhere in the nether-regions of the house. It then occurred to me that Peg had become a tad bit, well let's say, concerned? Before I could say "Oh, sorry Peg....", she was verbally trying to reason that possibly he'd just gotten a late start and would surely be arriving momentarily. "Well if he's not there, I'm sure he'll be here shortly and I'll have him call you right away, Dawn". "Thanks, Peg" I manage to stammer in a raspy voice and hung up the phone. As I turned around I found Josh casually walking down the hallway, hair still dripping wet from the shower. As he turned the corner, a look of alarm came over his face and he, not so casually, flew through the dining room and into the kitchen. "Je_ _ _ Ch_ _ _ _, mom, what in THE HELL did you do?!!" "I tried to cook a honey bun", I said, in the most pitiful, sorrowful-sounding voice I could muster. Josh surveyed the damage, grabbed a fresh honey bun, tossed it in the microwave, and pushed ONE button. He looked back at me and said "Haven't you ever used a microwave before?" "Come here and I'll show you how it works". I shuffled over, tail between my legs, for the tutorial. "Oh, ok!" I said, trying to sound convincing (I still didn't have a clue). He looked at me for a few seconds, his frown began to fade and, shaking his head, let out a little chuckle. In an embarrassed and dejected tone, I squeaked, "Do you know where the air freshener is?"

After a few moments, Josh walked back into the kitchen and plucked a perfectly cooked honeybun out of the microwave. He walked me to the dining room table and sat my breakfast in front of me. He then disappeared around the corner in search of the air freshener. As I ate my honeybun in silence and rejection (even the dogs were keeping a safe distance), I remembered that I had made an odd 911 call to Peg and that it was quite likely that by now, she had deployed the National Guard on a search and rescue mission to find Josh. "Oh my GOD", I thought to myself, "How do I explain THIS?" Smoke still slowly evaporated into the air, filling the house with that horrible stench. Moments later, Josh re-appeared and announced that they didn't have any air freshener. He quietly moved to couch in the living room and sat down. I realized that my only hope was to open some windows and pray that the smell would filter out by the time Tia got home. Ten minutes later, I bravely stood up and walked toward the living room, carefully maintaining a safe distance from the couch. "Josh", I called out, "I think I'll go take a shower and get ready to go to the doctor". Josh made a half-turn toward me and muttered "ok". As I rounded the corner for the bathroom, I said "Oh by the way Josh, you might want to call Peg so she'll know you're all right". Before he could process what I had just said, I was in the bathroom behind a securely locked door.

UNSUNG HEROES

2008-11-11T20:29:00.000-08:00

This is a reasonable facsimile of what my sweet kids looked like when I arrived....

I was scheduled to meet with my new doctor the day after I arrived in Myrtle Beach, and since I arrived about 9pm the night before, it sort of felt like I stepped off the plane and into the doctor'soffice. It was OK with me though, because I was anxious to hear what this guy had to say and what approach he would take. But not before I got to see my sweet 4-legged grandpuppies and their wonderful parents!

The handsome dude on the left is Robert, better known as Bob. Actually, he has quite a variety
of names, some of which include Bobby, Bobbo, and Bobbolicious (his father has some particularly special names for him sometimes. For instance, the time he ripped the water pipe right out of the ground.) He's 104 lbs of slobber, love and fun!

The princess on the right is Susan. She has other names too, but she wouldn't allow me to list them here. Unlike her "brother", Susan has a definite countenance about her and she does not suffer fools lightly. She is THE queen diva in every sense of the word and if she knew I posted this picture of her, she'd probably find some way to kill me. You can't even see her tiara in that position! ANYWAY............

This is what they looked like when I left.....

Lost in Space

2008-11-03T18:58:00.000-08:00

I can't tell you what happened after my trip to the "Bates Motel". I can't tell you because I honestly can't remember! I know I felt totally hopeless. I felt like every possible door back to normalcy had been slammed shut on me. I'm sure I went back to bed. I just don't remember. It's like someone changed the channel during a recording. My brain is just missing that particular part of the adventure. All I DO remember is that Josh (my son) wanted me to go see him in Myrtle Beach. I didn't want to go. Didn't he know that I was sick? I didn't even know if I could make it! Face it, I fell down quite often between my bedroom and the bathroom and those two rooms are connected!! I didn't particularly want my kids to see me this way, but then I really didn't care about anything anymore. I didn't have the money or the time for a "vacation". I needed to stay home and focus on getting better. Josh was not thinking of this trip as a vacation. He told me he thought his doctor might be able to help me. He bought me a round trip ticket and arranged the entire trip. How could I not go?

I boarded the plane for Josh and Tia's on September 16th, feeling nothing. Priority 1 was to obtain a glass of White Zin. I may as well celebrate while I can, right? WRONG. Upon inquiring, I am told that yes, they do have White Zin, and it's a bargain at $7.00 PER GLASS. Even I, in my fogged and addictedly-labeled mind, was not willing to spend $7.00 for what couldn't be more than 3 oz. of wine!

It's a long trip, going from Idaho to South Carolina. In healthier times, I was not one to sit still for more than about 20 minutes at a time, so normally, the thought of a long plane trip did not appeal to me. However, in the state I was in, I figured if nothing else, I could get some good sleep time. That was not to be, thanks to my fellow passengers. I must have realized that I may not remember what went on and curiously, I seemed interested enough to write down the events on each leg of the trip. This is what I wrote (Please don't allow the following to offend you. Remember my state of mind -clearly absent!)

I'm on a mission this year. It's all business and I'm going to work on getting my old self back in shape again. I just want to note a few incidents, as I find them a bit amusing, "warped as I am".

1st Leg, Spokane to Phoenix:
Sat by a very interesting couple. He is very much a larger (and older) cowboy.
Wife (?) was of the Asian persuasion. Once we were in the air, "she" commenced to climb all over him with the highest pitched, whiniest little voice!! OK, you've made it abundantly clear that you want something from that man! We hear you!!

2nd Leg, Phoenix to Charlotte: Yea baby, I'm almost there! Mind you, I coughed almost all the way, but no meltdowns. As I stood up to depart the plane, a kindly older gent from a few rows behind me pats me on the shoulder and shouts "You sound just like I did!" After I relayed a brief synopsis of my saga, he said, in a slight Bronx accent, "You just make 'em keep lookin', girly, and they'll find it. Took 'em 6 years to find mine". "What was it?" I eagerly asked. "Cansuh - 'Bout the size of an egg". Thanks, mister. YOU have a fine day.

I didn't write anything about my final leg of the trip - the one from Charlotte to Myrtle, but I do remember looking down on the City of Charlotte after takeoff and getting a distinct feeling of melancholy. My oldest son, my daughter, and their families live not far from Charlotte and I wasn't going to see them at all. I became extremely sad, and tears welled up in my eyes. Why can some of the people you love the most be so close and yet, you're not quite able to touch them? (Those of you who know me understand that I consider crying extremely sappy, and I just HATE to cry. But cry I did, right there on that airplane, right in front of all those happy travelers).

I arrived in Myrtle and climbed off the plane. I wondered what was going to happen next. I felt lost, helpless and alone. I was afraid. I walked along slowly (because I couldn't do it any other way). I finally looked up, and at the end of the concourse stood my sweet baby Josh and his wonderful wife Tia. I felt redeemed!! I wasn't alone!! People I love were right there to help me! For the first time in a long while, a little spark of light came shining in and kindled something in me that I had not felt for some time. There was HOPE!!

A Warm Welcome....

2008-10-24T20:49:00.000-07:00

It's been 10 days since my last entry. This is a post I have no interest in recalling or relaying....My first (and only) visit with the shrink. I call him this not to belittle or degrade the profession. It's just that, as I sat there with the doctor, I felt myself shrinking. If I could have shrunk completely out of sight, so much the better. I learned instantly that there was one word to describe the man - BLUNT. Maybe I needed to hear what he said. He laid things on the line to me (although all he knew about me was what my G.P. had told him). I was told in no uncertain terms that I was sick, I was making myself sicker, and there was no way I could get better without becoming an "inpatient" in his 14 day program. In my state, I became easily convinced that he must be right. All the same, something inside my shrunken head kept telling me he was full of SHIT and yes, he does bear a strange resemblance to Dr. Phil. I DON'T LIKE DR. PHIL, (and I liked this guy even less).

As I looked around the "facility", I soon realized that this place was no celebrity rehab!! No palm trees or gourmet food here! In fact, I quickly determined that this place more resembled the Bates Hotel. Quickly tiring of the dressing down I was receiving from Dr. Bates, I allowed my mind to wander and I envisioned Anthony Hopkins in an old woman's wig, sitting in a rocker in front of a window at the Bates Hotel. I saw Janet Leigh in the shower with some sort of red substance running down the drain. I was rousted from my daydream when Dr. Shrink announced that he was going to check to make sure my insurance would cover my stay in this lovely establishment. I returned to the waiting room.

It wasn't long before the doctor re-appeared to announce that the insurance would only pay for an 8 day stay. The program was 14 days long and no, I couldn't just stay 8 days. However, he decided that it would be no problem for me to pay for the other 6 days myself. I knew then that he definitely WAS full of shit (and crazier than I was). I promptly left the building, the shrink, his "nurse" and Alfred Hitchcock to themselves.

The Adventure Continues....

2008-10-14T21:05:00.000-07:00

It was one week later and time to return to the doctor. I crawled back out of bed. After a cursory brushing of hair and teeth, along with a haphazard "spit bath" (see how depressed I was?), I headed out. This time, my doctor told me they had scheduled a session with a psychiatrist and I was to meet with him 2 days later. I asked the doctor if there was anything she could give me for my cough. I honestly don’t remember her exact response, but I think it was something like “ Well, let’s do something about your drinking first. I think you will then see a marked improvement in your cough”. It seemed there was no serious concern about my cough or any desire to consider my theories that the damn cough was what LED to the drinking and depression. I made my way back home and crawled back into bed.

Two days later. I’m looking for the psychiatrist’s office. The directions I had received were “It’s the building right behind the hospital”. I drove directly behind the hospital, parked my car and walked up to the door. I believe the sign on the door said “Panhandle Health”. “Interesting”, I thought. “Why would a psychiatrist have an office in the building that housed health inspectors? Perhaps the good doctor was moonlighting.” My fogged mind somehow came to the conclusion that this was most likely NOT the correct building, so off I went, on foot, to find the man my doctor seemed certain would change my life. As I walked, my mind began to “speak” to me. “Oh wonderful”, it said. “Not only are you lost in this maze of practitioners, you are now going to be LATE for your first appointment with this guy. Way to make a positive first impression, girlfriend!”

After a few more minutes of aimless meandering, jumping across a few berms and climbing a small fence, I found the building I was looking for and discovered that his office was housed in what I believe was the local "rehab facility". I gave a fairly agressive tug on the door handle and immediately felt my body being hurled forward against the door with my head following milliseconds later. When my brain quit slamming itself against my skull, I realized that by golly, the door was locked! Only fairly dazed, I noticed that next to the door was a sign indicating that if I wanted to go to “area A”, ring the doorbell. If I was headed to “area B”, I was to stand there until someone saw me and came to the damn door! I considered my options and patience level (on a scale of 1 to 10, I am about a –5). I selected option #1. I did this because I knew that if I chose option #2 and stood there for more than 30 seconds, I would begin to dance, make faces or start swearing like a sailor to get someone to notice me and let me in. I further discerned somehow that option #2 would most certainly land me in an area consisting of rubber walls and a straight jacket. I rang the bell.

Momentarily. a stern-faced woman appeared at the door. “Are you here to check in?”, she asked. As I was forming my response, which was “oh HELL no”, she said “Oh, you’re here to see Dr. Phil. YOU rang the wrong bell”. I was beginning to wonder why on earth they ever let me out on the streets at all – EVER. (It also occurred to me that I was quickly earning eligibility to ride for free on a short bus, which would have taken me right to the front door of the building I had just run the gauntlet to find. (Note to self...check this out. You might be able to save a little money at the pump!)

The Adventure Begins....

2008-10-12T22:05:00.000-07:00

My, time flies when you're having fun! Let me give you an update since I last posted to this blogsite (you might want to get a vessel of your favorite beverage & some snacks before you begin reading).

I went to DS for a second time. Upon greeting me, she mentioned that she had thought a lot about me since our last meeting, which immediately set me to wondering about HER. After chatting for awhile, she decided the best thing for me was to make an appointment with my physician, tell her everything I told my counselor and go from there. Since it was pretty much lights out in my head at the time, I agreed, went home and made an appointment. A few days later, I crawled into the doctor's office and after they called me into one of the "rooms", I slithered and collapsed onto the "table" to wait.

After what seemed to be a few months later, my doctor (not actually a doctor, but a P.A.), came bouncing into the room, all cheery and almost very pregnant. She asked me how I was doing and I proceeded to tell her the sordid details. I explained that my chronic cough had developed into the pulmonary equivalent of the elephant man, sending people screaming into the streets each time I had an "episode". For this and other reasons, I felt I was becoming more than a bit depressed (This idea occurred to me when I realized I'd been in bed so long the seasons had changed). Finally, I confessed that I had developed the ability to chug 5.5 liters of Peter Vella wine every one and one-half days. When I looked up at her it occurred to me that she may have been in a mild state of shock, since her mouth was open as wide as humanly possible. She managed to stammer something that sounded like "o...k", "I need to go talk to the doctor" and immediately fled down the hall.

Another couple days passed and she reluctantly re-entered my room. She announced that she thought I may benefit from a 14 day stay in the "hospital" and that she needed to get some blood work on me. She left the room again, this time informing me that the nurse would soon be in to draw my blood. Things began to move swiftly now and after only a few hours, the nurse waltzed in, laden with her little tote full of needles and vials to take my blood. She was a friendly older lady who attempted to strike up a conversation with me until she saw my face. Leaving the room immediately then became priority one for the poor thing.

As I was finishing the epic War and Peace, the doctor returned for a third time. She reported to me that the blood tests revealed my liver count was way up, my kidneys weren't doing well, and I was suffering from anemia. Did I want to go to the hospital right then, she asked with a fervent hope in her voice. I replied that I really did NOT want to go to the hospital. I had a few things to tie up (not the least of which was calling Wall St to inform them that profits in the Vella Wine Corporation were about to take a serious downward spiral). I pled with my doctor to give me one week to try and end my affair with Peter Vella on my own. She reluctantly agreed to let me do this, put not before she wrote out a prescription for something to reduce the number of pink elephants I would surely see while carrying out my little "experiment". I made an appointment to return to her office in one week and unceremoniously crawled home.

The First Step?

2008-09-14T17:33:00.000-07:00

August 12th was my first visit with a "counselor". DS was remarkable. After the first session, I walked through the door of my house to my husband, whose first words were "I thought you were going to counseling!? YOU WENT SWIMMING INSTEAD, DIDN'T YOU?" A reasonable remark, considering my hair was dripping wet. However, my clothes were dry, so WHA????

Have you ever gone to a counselor? Do you KNOW what that's like? If not, I'd wager that you would sweat your ass off, too! (For the record, I'm not sure of the condition of my ass at the time (other than big), but I know my hair was dripping). I believe this was the first time in my life that I was ever TOTALLY HONEST with anyone. I didn't hold one thing back. I let her know it ALL. Even my affair with Mr. Vella, which was possibly the most difficult. I work for the government for Lord's sake. My retirement may rest on whether or not she brands me with the SCARLET LETTER. And I'm not referring to Nathaniel Hawthorne's "A" (as if!! For some government employees, that letter is worn with pride!) Perhaps 20 years from now, the letter will not mean a thing, but for now, it's still an issue, believe me!!)

Still, my loyal husband was there for me with a wringing-wet cloth (I guess my head wasn't wet enough) and words of encouragement. For now though, that big letter "A" still hovers over my head (along with a lot of dripping tap water). As soon as I dry out, I'll write more...

A Date Which Will Live in Infamy

2008-09-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

August 8, 2008, "is a date upon which I will not look back with a great deal of pleasure...".
These were some of the words (kind of), of Queen Elizabeth II after a good portion of her palace burned, as did the passions of the still-married Prince Charles for Camille. August 8th was the day that I decided to "step off the merry-go-round"..."lose a few cards in my deck"..."close the door on my life", hang a big "DO NOT DISTURB" sign on my door and stick my proverbial head in the sand. I called my boss and told him that I was not coming in to work and may not be back for some time. I called my closest colleague and friend and asked her for some assistance on applying for a leave of absence. Then I cancelled all of my appointments and speaking engagements for August and September and believe I spent the remainder of the day with my good friend, Peter Vella (if you're wondering, my lovely summer glow comes from a box of White Zin).

You see, this day had been a long time coming. Why it came on that particular day, I don't know. I do remember that the first real dog of my own, "Teke", was born on that date, and my Great Uncle Lot died on that date. I also had no idea of how next to proceed, how I felt or why I felt like I did. I've been at my government job for 20 years, settling labor disputes between everyone in the workforce from building contractors to dancing lobsters (No embellishment, dude!). All of my kids are raised, gone and have moved to the other end of the country. My mother died, my old dog died, most of my plants are dead and my husband better watch his step (just kidding - REALLY!) I'm fat, yet everything on me has developed a sudden obsession in taking up residence as close to my feet as possible. And menopause has become the cherry on top of whatever's left on top. Life is not good, and I can tell you I don't look good in ANYTHING with cherries on top.

I decided to do what any person with an ounce of remaining sense (considering I'd lost the majority of it) would do and called a counselor. I mean, I've not become a threat to society, don't wish to join a cult or apply for a job at the post office (not that there's anything wrong with that), but I decided somewhere in my fogged mind that I needed a little guidance. The first session did not exactly become "the first day of the rest of my life", but I'll admit, it was a start.